Paradox

My wounds will never heal.
Just like they never have
Each day that I reflect on them
Is the day I kill my past
Then my past comes back to me
In nightmares and on devil's wings
In armor stronger than iron
Unbreakable
Set out to kill me.
I wish to be pushed off of this cliff
This cliff is the edge of the universe
I wish to fall in to the stars
I want to be laid to rest.
I can't die by my own cause
And I can't sleep with eyes so open
Scared to death of my own hands
I don't know where they'll go in my sleep
Or what they'll do in damage to me
Today is such a lovely day
To be dressed head to toe in red
Silence while I attempt to sleep
In which I may wake up dead again.
I did it again
I woke up and my hands were red.
Another sleepwalk killing spree
Recruiting bodies in my sleep.
My patchwork army
With the smiles on every face
My bloodwashed eyes wouldn't let me sleep
So I prepared my early grave.
If I'm not back tomorrow
I'm lost without a trace
Don't send anyone to look for me
I'm gone until I want to be found
If I don't wake up early
Something's hurting my head inside
Just leave my body alone for a while
But please don't leave me to die
Smothered by my own nightmare
You'll see the smile across my face
Dare to dream anything bright
I'll be taken to my grave
Still my heart
Stop my lungs
Hold my throat
And preserve my body
For the beast inside me
Why does this keep happening
Am I some kind of bad charm?
No luck within me satisfies
The needs of your sweet being.
I'll be gone away from here soon enough
Never will you worry again
I will keep my distance from your mouth
So you may not be poisoned by my kiss.
If our tongues are paralyzed
Then our mouths are bonded shut
With stitches and strings
Sewn through our gums and bones.
Should we refuse to speak
Let no charade take the place of words
What cannot be expressed verbally
Will be sent through your veins by darkened stares
And every inch of your skin will crawl with the pulse of your blood.
Too scared to be alive
Too afraid to ever die
So I stand between life and death
And I live inside and epiphany.
I cry because I don't want to end my life
I live too far in the future to live right now
I think I'm going to die in my sleep, so I stay awake
And dream with my eyes slowly fading
And heart quickly racing
I don't want to slip
I'm deathly afraid to die.
I guess you could say
I'm a little afraid
When I wake up each day
But to my satisfaction
Nothing ever happens
Only heart breaks
And Earthquakes
And explosions unknown to anyone but myself
It helps in itself
To relieve me of my conscious.
And when I can
I will.
I've been alive
And I was killed
By myself such a short time ago.
But I've found peace as an angel
I'm nobody's devil
And I've been working my way back home.
I found a reason not to cry.
But I've heard it all so many times.
And I thought I quit this circus town
But it was a dream, and I've been found.
Make a fool out of my mind
It's only smart when it's sleep-deprived.
Tiny dancer in my hand, so small.
Thought you were real, but you're not at all.
The person within me died today
And I go on without words to say.
I still feel rocks between my toes
Where they came from, I don't know.
My lungs let out a gentle sigh
And bit by bit, my soul will die.