She was a small, innocent, eleven-year old
She tripped on a curtain and fell quickly
In the X-ray room her arm was then unrolled
Showed cracks encircling her bones in their entirety
Her bicep ripped from being attached to the bone
Then a piece of bone was crunched out of its spot
It floats in the fluid surrounding the bones alone
Her arm fought to protect her a lot
Then a year of therapy and pain go by
That small piece of bone heals mostly
Her arm won't move enough no matter how hard she'd try
The bone inhibits her mobility
The doctor decides she must have surgery
This was the thing she had feared the most
All she objects to is forced upon her see
She loses her clothes, her dignity almost
To the operating room she is wheeled
Drugged with many deadly medicines
People stare; to hide she has no shield
Her fear of the doctors; it darkens
As she is put to sleep on the metal table
Her eyes close she is still shaking
To handle this she is not able
She tries not to imagine what from her they are taking
As she wakes she wants to go back to sleep
But, no, they must take her temperature every two hours
To go to the bathroom this IV she must keep
So much dizziness through her body it scours
One day she goes home after spending much money
To remove something so tiny and insignificant
Being in a hospital will always feel eerie
Needles, pain, deprivation of sleep was constant
See, all this was supposedly good for her
But really all it did was traumatize
But from her they gained a lot of money
Doctors want to hurt you, while in disguise
Author notes
this is an imitation of the famous war poet Wilfred Owen. This was also written for my English 205 final exam.
M ysteriouswhisper
A contest entry
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What did you think?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I like this a lot, especially being a person who has spent much time in a hospital. You give truthful analysis of a thing most people fear to speak of.
-Claire
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I know the feeling!
I have severe trust issues also; and I have come to the conclusion that most are in it mainly for the money> A sad state of affairs indeed! Thank you for sharing. i am sorry if this is something that you went through, or someone you know.
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This is interesting, the traumas of going under surgery and medications can definitely be a strain to one's health and more evidently to their mental well being, that has been portrayed in this piece. Well written. Thank you for your entry
Evershine -
hmmmm so true. ive spent a lot of time in hospital in my life and im sure most of the time i woulda been better off at home. they say 90% of healing is done in your sleep and yet wake you up constantly when you do finally get to sleep. gods ive even been woken up about half an hour after going to sleep so they could give me sleeping pills! this poem has expressed that so well. a great write
hugs,
georgie,
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Woow, you have a deep understanding of a primarly fear, I have always hated hospitals but they saved my life even if they didn't keep for me my family.
The poem is well constructed, the emphisism on certain words is vital and you acheived it very well. There are ways to improve it, every poem can be improved in some one, the title could perhaps be changed to give a little more impact other wise it's very clever and i hope it did you well in you english.
Best of luck for your work,
Gorecki. -
I asked specifically for no rhyme. Therefore, I will be removing this, but please feel free to reenter before it closes.
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you indeed have a great fear for doctors, thank you for entering
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HA! This is great and I love the whole feel behind it. I think you've put a lot of peoples' fears of doctors into the perfect light with this piece. I could see the whole scene playing out vefore me, and I felt so bad for the girl. I don't like doctors either... and I think there are a lot of things they do that are unnecessary to the good of their patients. Anyway, great write, great story! You truly did weave a story with this poem!
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you have narrative skill. keep writing. work for subtlity.
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I was really scared of doctors growing up but that got much better. To this day I only go if I'm deathly sick. It's just so uncomfortable! This is a very entertaining read.
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Wow. I do fear from hospitals and Drs alottt.
kind of my own fear
I was even afraid to read it completely
good work
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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So rich in discription of the fear .
I realy enjoyed it! -
GAH! This scares me
I agree totally with this
Fantastic write!
Bravo
♥ kate -
xD i totally agree with this poem. I have doctorphobia (or whatever you want to call it) and i'm sure glad i barely have to go see them.
Awesome poem, it really is true for a lot of doctors out there that are just bent on making money.
My favorite line was:
But from her they gained a lot of money
Doctors want to hurt you, while in disguise
Great job!
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I LIKED THIS
i thought it would be different but nope! there wasnt alot of emotion but it still kept the reader thinking. you r an amazing poet! -
Wow I---
Love the last line---This was verry touching!
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tears are falling down my eyes as i read this.this is making me realize that the people we trust are usually the ones that distroy us...this is still a good poem
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There are certainly some doctors who drag the whole process out just so they can line their pockets... certainly seems like this one did. Though I hope you don't think they're all like that
Really raw and honest. You really get inside your own head here and give us a good idea of what's going on. Solid write. Your poems are getting better and better.
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Well of course when I was 11 I didn't know anything so yeah I guess I used to think that. This was one of my better writes because I spent forever on it and revised it a million times since it was my final exam lol!
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Doctors want to hurt you, while in disguise
Love this whole write
I have been there with the broken bones and nieces
you penned this well.. had a smile
of this child's mind
Hugs Angel♥
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I am glad you liked it! This is pretty much the only poem I have every written that contained rhyme and meter! It took me like a day's worth of work~
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well you did a fantastic job !!!
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