The world isn't so bad in the place where hollow minds dare not go.
In that place the innocents sleep in cages,
and watch with curious eyes,
as nightmares and dreams collide in a train wreck of meaningless ponderings.
She can see them there holding out their hands to grasp the change.
Reaching out their hands to the lover with the dead pan eyes.
He smiles thoughtfully, but it never touches his self made frost.
They collectively weep knowing he became the lie.
They can sense the storm brewing in the city.
The cage swings open tantalizingly teasing winters children out of hiding.
They know its all a lie, but they smile knowing truth has no meaning,
especially in the brick city.
They dare not ask blessings from the old world.
They gaze into panes of existential fear, wondering if life or death is safe
Everything freezes over in a sudden irrational way,
and they realize that truth becomes the lie.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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the truth is always the lie.
well done, thanx for sharing
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Inspiring and dark. The only thing is in the last stanza: that one line that goes two words over kind of throws off the flow of the entire stanza and therefore the ending wasn't as good as it could've been. Maybe if you changed that line to, "They gaze into the panes of existential fear, wondering if life or death is safe." Just my opinion.
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Very thought provoking
I liked how you used the idea of a brick city, very clever. You really have a lot of good ideas here, and the way you illustrated your message was fantastic. I'm not sure exactly what YOUR message was, but usually people interpret things differently. The only small thing I would change is the length of each line, I had to go back a couple times to make sure I understood what each one was trying to say. Good job using all the descriptive words, and you created a visual image for the reader through those words.
Conner
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