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I cannot love you ...

Missing image

 passim's link to son's photography

 

.

I cannot love you as if you were there

in colonnaded shadows, washed sepia
drying, weeping perhaps for me, for you

or parachutes of carnations, their fire

exploding in garden path, bleached petals;
I love you as browning things are loved,
in silence, between life's woes and the soul.

I love you as blooms that never mature
yet bear, in themselves, bright, nascent flowers;
and it's your fondness, personal fragrance,
stems from the earth to grow darkly in me.
I love you yet not know why or how, or when,

or even from where for love, in essence

is just that ... a straightforwardness termed myth!

 


 

Author notes

I cannot love you ...
A sonnet written after Pablo Neruda in style.

A contest entry

Please critique.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18
  • Judith Chandler
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    "I love you as browning things are loved"

    Makes unfulfilled love sound beautiful. Well done sonnet, congrats on your silver trophy.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    "I love you as browning things are loved,
    in silence, between life's woes and the soul."

    These lines grasp my heart and shake it. I read them over and over, trying to grasp this in my mind. Life's woes, time, age can form a bond of silent understanding, if it doesn't force apart. I hope for the former.

    "I love you as blooms that never mature
    yet bear, in themselves, bright, nascent flowers;
    and it's your fondness, personal fragrance,
    stems from the earth to grow darkly in me."

    I can relate to this. I almost feel as though this part is too personal to comment on.

    The final line, I'm afraid, confuses me. It feels like a "gotcha". I'm stymied by it.


  • Red Rocket
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    This shed light on things I've seen and haven't understood. Your poem is effective and able to communicate a thin line without mincing words. This demands more attention, it's inspirational. Thank you.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    "I love you as browning things are loved,
    in silence, between life's woes and the soul."

    These lines, though sad to make me weep, are so often quite true. There is tender gentleness in this beautiful work, and though deemed myth, presents many realities of the heart and soul.

    Wonderful to see a trophy here dear soul. Excellent. ~Pamela


  • Andy James Turner
    May 21

    Edit | Reply

    Great Penn.

    As with the "I do not like thee DR Fell, for what reason i cannot tell, but I do not like thee Dr Fell."
    The poem evokes the same allusive passion, but not for hate, but love. Well done. Great sonnet just for the enjoyment of words that form vivid images. Purists may say it's not in the Petrarch-an form abba abba cde dce. Etc.  Yet with the last line you have given the twist, even if not in a cc couplet.

     

    Very enjoyabe and Nerudesque.


  • Lyndon gold member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply

    Oh dear, I missed this!

    Thank you for the lovely silver trophy.
    Congrats. to all including the Gold Winner. Great contest ... so thoughtful. Ron.


  • passim silver member
    May 15
    Edit | Reply
    Delightful. Thank you for entering this lovely sonnet


    • Lyndon gold member
      May 16
      Edit | Reply

      I have thanked you above this comment

      but will do so again!
      Very thoughtful contest.


  • ourgirlFriday
    May 10
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely awed by this, both the poem and the BG

  • Rowan gold member
    May 9

    Edit | Reply

    Very Nerudian-like, but with your voice behind it. Excellent.


  • MargaretG
    May 9

    Edit | Reply

    I like it

    The vaulting in the photo has little life in it, unlike your poem. It is wise to pay attention to this integral and organic love. I don't know the style, but I like this poem.


    • Lyndon gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply

      Dear Margaret

      All I can tell you is that it is a Nerudan style sonnet.


  • Nicolette gold member
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    You took one of my favourite Neruda poems and made it your own, gave your own voice to it, Ron.... "I do not love you as if you were salt rose...". I wish you had entered this in my Neruda contest!!! Beautiful and definitely Neruda in style!!

    ~ Nicolette

    • Lyndon gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply

      Well, yes

      this is so. How far poetic freedom goes I'm not sure, Nicolette.
      Perhaps most of us are, as Billy Collins wrote, "a merry band of robbers all".
      Thank you and love to a highly original poet: Ms van der Walt.


  • gentle breeze
    May 8
    Edit | Reply
    I like the flow of this poem.
    I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

1 - 18 of 18