Depressed
As he was
He took the rope
Tied with room for a head
Latched it to the ceiling
Stepped on to the chair
Placed his head in the loop
And kicked out his support
The last thing he heard
Was the last
Breath he took
Hanging when found
Swinging side to side
Tears in all eyes
A end in a life
A contest entry
- Can you reach my expectations? by Ti Amo Te Quiero.
750 points, ended May 17, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Hmm...Personally, I felt that this is quite plain...or even basic?
Yes, suicide, depression and all. But i feel that you could have described why he was depressed, why suicide? Many things you could have elaborated on. On the bright side, there were some lines that drew in my attention:
The last thing he heard
Was the last
Breath he took
and
Tears in all eyes
A end in a life
I especially liked the last two lines. Oh, and its supposed to be, " An end in a life". Though I would have preferred it without the "a", i think its quite fine, really. Sorry if I had offended you by saying it was plain or basic, but its just something that i felt. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
!
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