While driving in Wales down a quiet country lane
I soon chanced upon quite a nice large demesne
And stuck in the garden - a ruddy great sign
"CONTEST FOR COCKS, to start half past nine"!
I looked at my watch, it was just after eight
I thought "Oo, goody gumdrops, I thought I'd be late"
For being well-hung, I've got some reputation
Not just in Yorkshire, but throughout the nation.
Stuck in the garden was a massive marquee
I assumed that was where all the judges would be
And there by a table were 3 blokes like sentries
Officious-looking, and taking the entries.
I said, "Excuse me sir", to the one in the centre,
"How much is it, for each cock to enter?"
He gave me a look I'd describe as disdain
And said, "How many cocks and what is your name?"
I thought he was daft but I said, "Just the one,
And Robin's the name, like the small bird old son,"
He said, "SON? That's an irregularity
PLEASE, less of the familiarity!"
I then proceeded, as fast as I was able
To whip out my cock and slap it on t' table
I said, "What do you think, get out your measure
You see why I'm famous for giving girls pleasure?"
The judges reeled back in a bad state of shock
I thought it was simply the size of my cock
Then one of them shouted, "Oh quickly, Denise,
Please telephone for the local police!"
Ten minutes later, I'd been arrested
And driven to court through traffic congested
Where the Magistrate lady said to the copper
"What's this lad done that you say's so improper?"
"Ma'am, this lad 'ere, wot stands in the dock
At a poultry contest, pulled out his cock
The ladies there felt villified and tainted
One collapsed, and two others fainted!"
The magistrate then looked me up and down
On her face there appeared an ominous frown
She said, "Lad, I've sent folk to prison for less
If I let you off, can I have your address?"
Now let me declare that, between me and you
The whole of this story is perfectly true
The actual place in Wales was the Rhonda
Where I showed the Welsh girls my huge anaconda!
However, forgive me for being so crass
But I'm quite pissed off with the magistrate lass
I now take viagra to make my cock harder
To satisfy her nymphomanic ardour!
Author notes
A perfectly true story, only SLIGHTLY exaggerated.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Anyone who would have the temerity to rhyme Rhondda with anaconda really needs a longish prison sentence imposing on him. If you get confused by cock contests, how about dog trials? Would you find all the canine bastards guilty?
-
Shocking! and funny! Consistently funny too, it held my gaze (so to speak) right through to the last verse which was excellent
The rhyme felt slightly forced upon me in places, but its complexity compensates.
-
-
The rhyme IS forced old lad.
Having such a huge projectile in my underpants, it's a miracle that I can rhyme at ALL!
Regards,
Robin.
-
-
*snort*
Absolutely wonderful, and totally unsurprising that it's true.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read, once I'd picked myself off the floor.
Maria
-
-
Thank you Maria.
I am arranging private viewings of my anaconda, if you're interested - no cameras allowed!
Robin. -
-
No cameras?
That ruins all the fun
-
-
Oh go on then....perhaps just a little one : if you'll pardon the expression!
R.
-
-
-
-
A new backdrop for a tired prop
Do tell, where is the slight exaggeration? Fun to read. Tecohe
-
-
Well, to tell you the truth, it's not quite as big as an anaconda - more like a slow worm
R.
-
-
Might have guessed you'd cock this up R, only you could write the write...You really must read the small print before entering a contest with such a provocative title. LOL...Lv m
-
-
Tks Mal.
-
-
I am amazed at the dexterity with which you expose what lies behind your codpiece -- Henry VIII would be proud.
-
-
tks ducky
-
-
I think this should certainly be put in the adult category! It wasn't what I was expecting to read at all (actually, I thought I was clicking on a contest *lol*). Not to say I didn't enjoy it, since it certainly was an interesting write, haha.
But yeah, should definitely put it into the Adult category before some innocent child comes along!
~Sparrow -
-
Hello Sparrowface,
I did put it in adult/humour, dunno why it didn't "take."
I've just edited it and "adulted" it.
Thanks for pointing that out.
regards,
Robin.
-
-
They say it's always best to write about what you know Robin and you seem to be well endowed with knowledge of this topic.
As you say you are a veritable leg-end well known for his middle leg-end the length and breadth of the shire.
The only thing that amazed me was the way you refrained from comparison with whales in Wales and limited yourself to a python. That just shows what a modest character you really are.
Anyway Robin it is really good to read one of your customary offerings and see that you have not lost your touch. The flow of the piece was perfect as was the whole feel of the piece
oops did I really say that last bit.
Jim
-
-
Jimbo lad, how extraordinarily kind of you to offer to feel my piece.
I would willingly succumb to your washing it.
And I don't mind how fast you do it!
Rubens Bellend.
-
-
-
-
'Ow did u do that lass?
U read it b4 it was finisherated!
An 'ow do you do those emoticons like wot u do?
Luv,
R. -
-
You'll find the emoticons at sweetIM.com
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
