The art of destruction, with danger concealed.
Strategically, purposefully left unrevealed.
Cloaked and disguised as something it’s not.
Lurking in shadows of lies we have bought.
Deceptive, deliberate attempts to deceive.
Stirring confusion in what we believe.
Courageous, and bold, deliberate and keen,
masquerading as good, honest, and clean.
It’s a spiritual war, the ammunition is fear.
Things are not always the way they appear.
There are forces around us with one common goal;
masking the truth from our eternal soul.
Author notes
Rise up, you are a mighty warrior. Kevin Pace - WordsDoMatter
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Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I read one comment down there. I disagree on the syllable count, so obviously accents and pronounciations are important to this poem. I see it as this:
11
11
9
10
11
10
10
10
13
10
12
10
I think your use of punctuation in here has compensated for the inconsistent syllable count and it flows very nicely. This is the sort of poem that works well with alternating line lengths. Tests the versitility of the reader. Stubborn people, like me, will try to read it their own way, and it won't sound good, but those who are willing will read it the way it should be read, and that way it flows beautifully. Great work.
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I did not recognize this to be a piece about spirituality until the very end. I saw lies. how dark and of course deceptive they are. nice, striking imagery throughout.
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I love the rhyming here.
The title caught my eyes.
best of luck in the contest. -
i loved your words. they were exciting to read and you told a good story. nicely done.
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sorry..
...just to explain :-
Where I wrote "even permutations", I didn't mean 2 4 6 8 etc., I meant "even" as in terms of "matching". IE a syllable flow of 9 11 9 11 or other permutations would flow OK too.
Just thought I'd make clearer what I meant.
R. -
I Disagree With Maria!
Call me a pedantic old "prick", but the rhyme and rhythm are NOT flawless - in fact, for such a short poem, and being familiar with your ability, I would describe it as EXTREMELY flawed - for YOU!
The syllable count is as follows :-
11 13 9 10
12 10 11 10
14 10 12 10
Although counting syllables is not a "flawless" method of establishing good flow, it DOES provide a good guide IMO.
EG 10 12 10 12 or 10 10 12 12 or other "even" permutations will flow well, but NONE of these verses flows well.
Further - "not" and "bought" is a half-rhyme ; unless of course you chaps pronounce them differently over the pond! We pronounce "bought" as bort, the same as "ought" (ort).
Lastly, I don't understand why you start "masquerading" and "masking" with a small letter, when every other line starts with a capital.
To summarise, sorry Kevin, but Maria's got it all wrong, this is definitely one of your lesser pieces AND, I suspect, written in a rush!
Kind regards,
Robin.
PS I DO agree with the sentiment. I could never understand why previous American presidents could watch the USSR invade Hungary, Czechoslavakia and Afghanistan and stand idly by - yet when Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait (about the size of our back garden) there was a political outcry, and a media-fuelled public surge of anger.
Call me cynical, but could it have had something to do with the fact that it was Yankee money funding the sucking of oil from the Kuwaiti shoreline?
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I very much agree with your 'even permutation' point, as a rule, but I also very much disagree with your 'NONE of these verses flows well.' Very much indeed.
They're not consistent as verses, and it takes a little bit relaxation in tone, but the way I read them, they all flowed wonderfully as a whole. The differing line lengths gave it a nice 'flavour' for me.
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Thanks for entering!
Title: 8/10
Originality: 7/10
Emotion: 8/10
Grammar/Spelling: 7/10
Flow/Structure: 7/10
Imagery: 8/10
Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 8/10
My Reaction: 8/10
Rules Followed: 10/10
My Overall Opinion: 8/10
Total: 89/100
Okay, the first thing I'm going to say is that it isn't necessay to have a full stop at the end of every line - it's somewhat distracting, and normal grammar rules should be obeyed.
On a slightly related note (and I say this as someone who did the same thing for years!), it isn't necessary to capitalise the beginning of each line, unless the form specifically calls for it... if and when you tidy up the punctuation, the beginning of each sentence is enough.
However, your rhyme and rhythm is flawless, and you have lovely imagery... overall, an enjoyable read!
Thankyou for entering this poem, and I wish you the best of luck!!
Maria
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A great poem well expressed.
Filled with words of truth.
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You've written here a poem of such truths, and one we all wish were not true. Sadly we all know we shall never see peace in our lifetime, in those regions that suffer so much. Well written and not too sure what you want to revise here, anyway great poem and thanks for sharing.
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