Closed Soul

Harsh words escape her keyboard.
Yet, she doesn't know anything else.
Words have been hard from the start.
But friendship seems to make it even more difficult.

She jokes around too much that there might be a hidden truth.
And hopes that in their minds they will still be her dear friend.
She lies about the things she herself cannot come clear with.
There seems to be a whole different world inside her pained soul.

Everything had made her a nervous reck.
She's never had any trustworthy, forever friends.
Only pained situations had happened over and over again.
Without knowing what to do she tries her best to hide her secrets.

You're so rude, you're like Simon, they say.
I am not like Simon, God, she says.
Yea, you both don't have a heart, she laughs.
And only filler words are typed - they don't know how true it is.

She wishes that she had met such great people from the start.
If friendship came that easily, her nervous days would be over.
They could've saved her from all those painful, lonely, regretful days.
But if any happiness lights up a soul, it hardly ever comes straight away