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Forsaken Love

As the day turns to night I start to remember
How much I miss you
My heart can’t take much more of
Being away from you for so long
I know no matter where you are
You are looking at the same moon thinking how much we miss each other
This is hard for us both but in the end we will be together forever

You were born to be my enemy
for your family name was that of my father’s worse rival
But I don’t care about your name and I know you think the same
I love you no matter what your family name is
You are a beautiful rose and as it is said
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”

Our hearts will always be connected
No matter if we were born as enemies
we will die as two people loving one another
I rather disband my family name then to lose your love
For you are my life, you are the most important thing to me in the world

I rather die then not to be with you
You are the sun to my day
The moon to my night
The rose that I love
The angel that I will never let go of
I rather die in your arms then lose your love
On this day I vow that I will free myself of my family’s cursed name
On this day I vow to you my love that we will always be together because
“Our hearts will never be apart, we both vowed to be eternally together, in life and in death”

Author notes

This is one of my newest poems, i was thinking of romeo and Juliet when i was writing this! it is not one of my best works but i think it is OK!!

"read prompt"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 55 of 55

  • Antebellum
    August 3
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful.
    I love the entire second stanza.
    great write.


  • XxXbenjiXxX
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    -wrong smiley-

  • XxXbenjiXxX
    July 29
    Edit | Reply

    wow!

    this is beautiful...


  • pepping wolf
    July 21

    Edit | Reply

    good

    hey Kira Nice to kept in touch with u.
    U r good at poems how long does it take to make ur poems?????


    • Kira65
      July 21
      Edit | Reply
      i really don't know ow long it takes me to make my poems
      but i do remember it toke me like 15 min to make this one!
      i am not that good either way!


  • Yemassee gold member
    July 19

    Edit | Reply
    Indeed love can seem very intense when we apply it to the moon and it's radiance. It sounds like a strong bond between the two of you, and that is nice.


  • Menteur.compulsif
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really cool! Screw that bastard who said it was enetred in too many contests!!!!!!!!1its a free country fuck it/!!!


  • Cyanide Dreams
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    The repetition of "vowed" in the last stanza, I didn't like too much. Try using syonyms. THis had an extremely cliche feel to it, but however it being cliche, I liked the emotions you put into it. Also, I think this could use a bit more line seperation. Make the flow better by seperating thoughts into lines and stanzas. Great job though, and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • CentrifugalCorpse
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is in too many contests so I'm not going to read it.
    Sorry.

    Good luck in your other contests though.

    New plague


  • Antebellum
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering && Good luck

    [if you end up a finalist I'll leave a more detailed comment]


  • Fallen-Thumper
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    written from the heart very deep ad really well written.
    good luck
    thank you for entering


  • Emo Kris
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    ur poems r very beautiful...and deep-^.^


    • Kira65
      July 2
      Edit | Reply
      thanks not to sure of the beautiful part, i don't think i write any good! the deep Part is very true, i write with my heart more then my mind so every word i write is written from the heart!


  • The Falls Sun
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    Good job on this poem. I love the Romeo and Juliet references, but they are just a little over used. Also i know it is a style but i prefer poems to be at least a poetic sounding. I loved your poem's message!!
    Good luck in the contest


  • ladybug.
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    I love the free feeling behind this; it's almost as if it's connected by a soft string. Thank you for sharing.


  • cybilseyes silver member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    I could definitely see the similarities to Romeo and Juliet in this piece immediately.. Good luck in the contest!


  • dhampir-child
    June 20
    Edit | Reply
    omg thats so prwetty
    u good wriitea no matta wat u think ily


  • pinkkhehe
    June 20
    Edit | Reply
    This is way good


  • DarkAngel2013
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    I love it! Great job!

  • GreenDragon
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    This is reallly good!! I love it! well done
    x


  • dhampir-child
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    omg thats sooo awesum could u please comment on some of mine im adding u as a favorite


  • Fallen-Muse
    June 18

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Yeah I can definately tell that you were thinking of romeo and julet while writing this. Will is a great inspiration to all. Thank you for your entry and good luck.


  • Brittaney73
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    Good write... Romeo and Juliet is my fave by Shakespeare... so nice choice!


  • Gods only child
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    this is a really touching poem!

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!! this was a really pretty poem! i loved it! it left me speechless which is a hard thing to do. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!

  • fallenstar13
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem, I never thought to do one on Romeo and Juliet. Good job!


  • Kodie Scarlet
    June 17

    Edit | Reply

    speechless

    wow, this left me speechless! I love Romeo and Juliet, it was very original for you to base it off of them. It was so sweet! Great Job


  • sweetheart117
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really good. it made me think of Romeo and Juliet like just how much they love one another. this is really good and i think you did a great job


    • Kira65
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks that was the intention, to be able to write about there love that crossed over anything or anyone!


  • pain is love.
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem. I also like the way you used quotes in the piece. It really made me think Romeo and Juliet. Thank you for this wonderful entry!


  • PhoenixFaith
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    I like the quotes that you incorporated into this piece, and it did remind me of Romeo and Juliet. Very wonderful imagery as well. Keep it up.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering
    Kate


  • Golden Bliss
    June 9
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, completely reminded me of Romeo and Juliet.
    Well done


  • StarrySky936
    June 8
    Edit | Reply
    I love it (:


  • Poetgirl444
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    i totally thought of Romeo and Juliet!!! haha beautiful!!!!! you are seriously helping me out!!!!!!! maybe love poems wont be so hard to write!!!!! haha but bravo lol :->


  • Guerrero
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    wow cool i totally thought of romeo and juliet...great minds think alike? well this piece was well written and it told of a forbidden love. great job


    • Kira65
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks but i don't think of it as being good more like needs a lot of work! and yeah great minds do think alike.


  • Kyuutan-megumi
    May 9
    Edit | Reply

    KAWAII!!!

    LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! IT!! Lol Very good job!!

1 - 55 of 55