In Biarritz
Those awful shits
Our braying middle classes
Check out the shops
And take off their tops
And then show off their arses!
Note Biarritz is an elegant resort in France, on the Atlantic coast, not far from the Spanish border.
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Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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The beginnings of a perhaps a lively sea shanty or a scrawl on an Irish pub's wall
Howard
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A nice satirical touch to this, putting them all in there proper place.
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Neat, very neat. The rhythm and rhyme-scheme (and indeed, the incisive tone) makes me think of the WWII Sailors' satirical verse "O Lord above Send down a dove...." (Though your rhymes are more exact), But, perhaps because that verse is now running in my head, I just wonder whether it might do better with commas after the third and fourth line - and in that case, you could drop the "And" at the beginning of line 5, which to my ear would tighten up the rhythm.
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Vera
Now, praise from you, that is something.
As for that bloody 'and', I have turned it upside down inside out and given it a good shake, yet I can never quite bring myself to knock it out. My last thought was to have a semi-colon at the end of the previous line, and leave it in. I even thought of cheating a little, by having 'n' as in 'pic 'n' mix', but the Muse gave me a good ticking off.
Thank you for commenting etc etc etc
Edward
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id love to get in ur mind so i can write kick arse poems like wot u do
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Thanks for commenting. I am v easily flattered, though there is barely (geddit?) enough room in mind for me; if you were in, it would be terrifying: you would know all the nasty little secrets , and also that I think arses have better uses than for kicking!
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Funny -- and well done! England should never have lost Aquitane.
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Ha!
Indeed no. I have friends further up, in the Sarthe region, where the villagers still mutter about the total destruction of the place in the 15th century by the English, and secretly think that another invasion is going on right now! And they are right!
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An excellent reason for avoiding prime tourist locations and just bimbling around the "real" countryside.
Nicely written
Jim
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Oh no!
I am feeling guilty. Biarritz is one of my favourite places. The only real criticism is that it is too expensive -
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De Gustibus as Browning wrote (I think)
My taste is more for the solitude of the path less trodden, to misuse that famous line. I love to be solitary in my wanderings. Even in city walks this is still possible, I've found oases of silence in many cities over the years.
Jim -
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Ha!
Perhaps it's just a attitude of mind.
E
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Funny and kind of a unique way of looking at what goes on with tourists......shopping followed by exposing.........it doesn't really sound elegant...but then perspective is everything. Interesting write.
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mgmc
It is, though. I hope the Municipality of Biarritz does not sue me! The truth is, that one does not not notice after 10 mins, and it is mostly just topless stuff, which I imagine is normal everywhere. It is also a great surfing place -- and a great eating one! -
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Thanks. Have not visited Biarritz but have been to other pars of southern France.
Food to die for, great atmosphere.........great memories linger! Perhaps one day I'll have the chance to experience it first hand!
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Edward!
And here am I thinking you were the perfect Nightingale.
And What pray is under the bunny? (excuse the pun) I have substituted all the usual demeaners used for this show-off female fun. None fit except maby...tips?
worth a three for the laff
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ronnica
I am glad it amused you, but must admit that I don't really understand your comment. I have no problem with beach-behaviour; it often makes me laugh to think how outraged people would be, if they acted in the same way wandering round London, as they do on the beach. And in some countries, even on the beach, there are the most elaborate arrangemens to prevent anyone seeing anything, peculiar huts. By no means all female! -
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I was just having a go Edward as I have done this myself many times but always found a vacant beach, It was easy then. They are like Biarritz now.(our beaches).
Sweet dreams.
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OK LOL...
You have made me laugh.
LOL...
I would comment on punctuation (throughout, but just a matter of taste) and extra "and" in penultimate line re meter -- but LOL! sorry still laughing...
If you want me to, I will God, still laughing. LOL
(Thank you, I needed that!)
Lilac Moon
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So glad it cheered you up
The puntuation could be any old thing really, but that 'and', I try it wothout sometimes, and inelegant as it is, it always seems to lose something.
xx
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dear me
what are these people below going on about the structure of the poem..why dont they just read it..oh the chattering class..the politically correct....despots and tyrants waiting for there own demise...they should all read the libretto and listen to the ring cycle by wagner......but i fear they would miss the message lol..keep well my friend
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Biarritz
Yes, it is simple, a description of how it is, in that lovely place. Hmm... Twilight of the Gods... I'm sure I could do something with that...may even have made a start.
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enjoyed your write with its amusing commentary.
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... was here...
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ooops forgot the applause
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Wonderful. And depressing! But you need to get rid of that penultimate line's 'And', the meter is wrong with it there.
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bravo!times3
hahaa, that was lovely. well done: ) it had me grinning ear to ear.
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Great!
This short piece is more than just perfectly rhymed lines; it's profoundly satirical. There are so many of those you've portrayed around the world but in the 'rich and enlightened' West they somehow appear the most uggliest.
I'm all for what you've written about yourself in your page as to rhyming and meter; I myself is like this and even take classes on English meters here to compare it with Russian ones... Yes, you guessed right, I'm Russian with Uzbekistan nationality I got after the USSR collapsed. Russian is my native lagauge, English and Uzbek are the second ones. Living in the Orient with Soviet legacy and using English for work and pleasure (besides Russian; I'm actually more Russian poest than English) I very well understand what you write on your page.
Thanks a lot for the comment! I'm so very pleased to meet here someone who can see and know beyond US and UK borders.
All the best to your big family and you in whatever life activities you're engaded in, sound health and prosperity to all of you!
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Very clever. Those arses must be hard on the eyes.
Happy trails.
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hilarious commentary :)))))
well the poem was satirical and hilarious in itself, very true and that comment is something.
)))
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Ah, have seen this in France, Ile d'oleron - they changed clothes (all of it) there on the beaches, very depressing, very hairy lol
This is a fun poem and very descriptive
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a good poem though it is not something i would normally read on a daily basis, though here and there yes, my sense of humour is more madcap/slapstick.
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lol and lol some more ive been there and seen it you penned a wonderfull witty poem
thanks for sharing
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hmm
very nice, i especially like short poems and i guess ur poem brough out meaning
i liked it
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Very clever - but the meter of the (what should be) fifth line is a syllable out - or did you format wrong, ending up with 'And' in the middle of two lines?
You can edit the poem from the option on the right of the poem page.
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Biarritz
Thank you for taking the trouble to comment. I have just not been able to sculpt it quite properly, as somehow knocking out the second 'and' always seems to reduce the semi-conversational tone, as irritating as two 'ands' are, to say nothing of the extra syllable. I would much rather critique someone else's!
Ps Have just seen that two lines run into one, and altered -
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Line 5. "Remove their tops" saves a syllable, and lets an "and" be dropped.
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Hendiadys
Thanks for commenting. I shall try and do better to warrant a clappy! Honesty above all -well, almost.
I am sure you are correct, but the imp of the perverse --or is it just pride andarrogance? -- simply won't allow me to make the change.
Good luck with the stocking things -- reminded me of younger people hauling on hopelessly tight jeans!
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