i wake up slow
breath rolling through my
my
mosaic of a soul
i could pick up the scattered
shards of tile:
splinters of a woman,
shadows
where inhale breaks
and becomes a sigh,
but i am absorbed in day breaking blue
blue with
two glass lungs
In a list
A contest entry
- three colours blue by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended May 16, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FAVORITES ONLY by Melissa Gayle.
1750 points, ended May 23, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Oh wow, this is really really good cassidy [and No i am NOT sucking up to an XFactor judge, this really is amazing.]
I love these lines:
i could pick up the scattered
shards of tile:
splinters of a woman,
They just pulled at me, because I've felt the same way numerous times. This is just wow all in its own. The last two lines were phenomenal as well, because they showed a lightness to them but also a strength in fragility. It's truly brilliant to say the least.
Wonderful write! -
Last two lines are just phenomenal.
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second time.
and i love it again. -
well gosh. I loved this. the imagery and use of language was lovely and refreshing.
Jeanette*~
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"blue with
two glass lungs"
loved those lines.. the fragility, but perhaps also the light within... it allows the reader many different interpretations and i like that in a poem! i also liked the title, especially the word "mess" - so much to read into that too. i liked this poem and the way you've carried the theme through from the opening to the last line. well done - thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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This is a powerful, raw piece, Poet. Very impressive. Good luck in Nic's contest.
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the repetition strategy was effective here --the "b" sound with "blue" -- that added more effect. "two glass lungs" - loved that. the overall metaphor was developed perfectly. beautiful, cass.
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great ending
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it builds on itself. strong ending :]
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please leave the second my.
i loved this. I love you. keep writting.
-Skyler Gordon -
First, adore the title, not just for the contest entry, but, you give a thinking title. A mess of color, at least in my mind, implies something a bit more wild that three hues of blue, something like a Pollak painting maybe, however, this works very well with the body of the piece, the sleight variations you seem to employ through the "mosiac of soul", that prism bends those blues very well, as they refract within you, the "splintered woman", almost like you are not real, but a relief placed on the wall by a well meaning but visionless artist, (the mosaic again, what a beautiful inclusion of the complexity of women in general). However the two demsional aspect of a "tile mosaic" has given the glass lungs, such a fragile existance in a three (or more) demensional life. I think this is stunning...poetry!
One speed bump for me, the repetition of "my" early on seems difficult to read. I paused too long to try and understand that use of pronoun in such close proximity. (though I'm very willing to understnd you reasoning). In contrast, the repetition of "blue" as you close, is a gorgeous way to end embracing your theme.
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Thank you very much for the comment I'm not entirely sure why I repeated 'my', it seemed to fit as I was writing it but now I'm considering taking out.
Thanks 
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This reminds me of Steve Connell's non-political work.
I love it.
♣ Tegan
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damn.
now thats .. something i can't even begin to describe how it made me feel. i LOVE love love how quick it was but how impressively written it was, every word was perfectly fitted.
i really hope you win this, im totally rootin' for you
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killer ending
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love the two glass lungs. it's a stellar ending.
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