what?
pain
shovels
digging up
your
stomach
here's
temptation
desire
too much
why can't I
stop staring,
wanting,
wishing,
hoping
believing...
within the
imagination
anything
happens
over and over
it's temptation
it's desire
backing up
embarrassment
fear
its ALL here
here's
temptation
desire
impurity
the countless
thoughts
unsureness
the wanting
THEN
when it comes
you can't have it
deal with it
believe it
within the
imagination
anything
happens
over and over
it's temptation
it's desire
magazines
models
beauty
sexiness
you don't have
the people
I see
don't have
buy expensive
live well
in vain
what?
IN VAIN
deep
realization
when it's
too late
within the
imagination
anything
happens
over and over
it's temptation
it's desire
pain never goes
always under
your skin
here's
temptation
desire
never gone
always
burning
you
the thoughts,
the wishes,
the dreams,
here's
temptation
here's desire
ALL IN VAIN
within the
imagination
anything
happens
over and over
it's temptation
it's desire
it is
here
all
in
VAIN
Author notes
its like a downward spiral or like you're spinning in confusion....
prompts 4, 5, and 8
anyway i have never done dirty pretty. i have no idea if this is what it is. but if it is then it fits on of the prompts. if its not then it fits the others~!
for Kathraina: I am not sure if this is really dirty pretty....i mean if its not then tell me and i can edit it so that it is.....
M Y S T E R I O U S W H I S P E R
A contest entry
- Prewrites - What ever you like! by dutch2lips.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You can't turn back, because this road is all you'll ever have. by PaintedParisPassion.
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What did you think?
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I don't really think of it has dirty pretty. I think it flows relatively well and I liked the format etc.
Thanks for entering and best of luck to you
xoxo. -
I loved the format, I thought it was unique, I just found it really hard to read and it kinda distracted me. But thank you for sharing and for entering it into the contest and good luck.
♥ -
To be honest, I'm not really into dirty-pretty. I mean, the formatting and stuff is great, but I find it's very difficult to follow.
Staccato-poetry can work, but it doesn't really do much for me. I like the first few bits of the spiral, as they actually begin to unravel, but the rest just sort of loses it after the first coil. I think you could expand on this idea; what is vanity, really? What does it feel like, and how can it reveal humankind's true ugliness? Think of the people you hate; you know, with their perfect bodies and disgusting souls.
Thanks for entering.
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very original way of penning, thank you for entering
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45 for Write
15 for title
Great Write.
nicely penned, wish you luck
anyway
thanks for entering
Out of 100 You have Achieved 60
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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Wow the way you wrote this was cool but the words in it.. Amazing I really really loved this one so true.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck
-♥Amy♥ -
Well there is no exact outline of what dirty pretty is, at least not as far as I know. While this piece isn't like most, it is written differently than the usual. You've done a good job with this piece, nice flow and imagery here.
Bravo
♥ kate -
Perceptive!
I loved this because it puts into words the rushing feelings you have in that moment of desire. Most don't take the time to analize each one they just let it overwhelm them so this is a very beautiful read. Great Job!!
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woooah...dizzing. And so true. I couldn't say more than what otheres have already said good write and good luck in the contests
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I love how this is so creative.
This was a breath of fresh air. I didn't find it hard to follow at all. Considering that you wrote about vanity, and how it has a tendency to pull us into a downward spiral, it's a perfect fit. I really enjoyed reading through your profile page. You mentioned playing Mario. Man, I miss that game! We have a PS3, and that's a lot of fun, but I really would love to have a Nintendo 64, too. I never did beat the Super Mario World with all the mirrors that you have to jump into. My wife and kids would really love that game as much as I would. Maybe, I can get one on E-Bay.
Anyway, this is an excellent piece of poetry. I like what you said about rhyme on your page, too. Sometimes, I feel that way myself.
Don
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It looks so long! The format make its very hard to follow, but other than that, its lovely
Thanks for entering -
LOVE IT!
would go into more depth, but other have put it better below.
Write On!
jIM
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Lovely!!!
So perceptive!!!!--Must admit I loved falling down the words. And am amazed by your knowing!--We do live a rather shallow existance do we not? Reality is not alway's what we see-or is it?--How it makes us feel? I for one haven't a clue.--Love this!
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wow
wow how very origenal well done......... -
Very Original
wow, this is really great the way you have the poem laid out and the words you've chosen to go with it. you did an awesome job capturing the essence of the message being portrayed. well done.
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I love the style of this poem it's very unique .
Loved it muchly, it's very well worded.
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thst so cool. i like how u shaped the poem and i like how u word things. awesome
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this is really good
I loved it, the way it was formatted. The way the words flowed were....wow. I cant even descibe it. I couldn't pull somthing like this off, safe to say i'm jealous lol.
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it was very well written but very hard to read. i lost interest,not because of the words it was just really hard to keep focus.
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I really wish the formatting on this site was easier, because it would be really cool if you could make this more of a spiral, like water circling a drain or something like that.
That said, the concept is awesome. I feel like this is a poem many people could relate to for many different reasons. I, for one, can really relate to the idea of desire being all in vain, but for different reasons, I think, than maybe what you were thinking of when you wrote this. Great job trying out a new format and challenging yourself! I will try some of this this summer, now that I am free of school.
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hey what do you think now?? This change took me like 30 mins but I like it much better!
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Wow, that is so much better! Conveys the poem's ideas much better. Great job!
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Loved it
I loved this one because I could almost feel it reverberating endlessly. Great write. You have an exotic mind.
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great. keep it up
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i wish i had the creativity to make a new format like that. maybe just for kicks ill try it. great piece.
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I adore wild and interesting formats...and this one
the downward spiral added a lovely texture to the
poem....and it is suspenseful too....because
we didn't know where you were leading us!
way to write!
loved it through and through.
it's temptation
it's desire!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
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