Sharply gasping the moist morning air
freezing the smoke stains in my lungs
I once wished I could
numb the spider-webbed cracks of my heart
and forget the sharpened words that impaled it.
Tracing your initials in the dehydrated dirt
Listening to the phantom laughter we shared
the day we replaced my last name with yours
Naive childlike thoughts consumed all reason
and we played the preschool game of "Married", never
thinking it could end like so many others.
Rivers that once flowed from my eyes have disappeared
shrunk back into the tiny trickle of a dying stream
Erasing the story I wrote in the earth
Turning towards the reach rays of sun like a starving sunflower
I take several more baby steps into the gleaming day
Just a little further away from you...
Author notes
Yesterday was my birthday and I spent it with someone I'm trying to get away from...
Be Brutally Honest, Loves
Comments
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'towards the reach rays of sun'. Hm. Sounds like an adjective, but I didn't know 'reach' could be used as a adjective. I thought maybe you meant 'rich', or maybe not, so I typed that.
I like it. Very nice.
Birthdays are rubbish anyway because they're never really any better than any other miserable day, and it feels worse because it's 'meant' to be special.
Have a great day tomorrow, instead
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"Erasing the story I wrote in the earth"
that was my favorite line. it was so incredible and just ancient sounding. like dusty clouds of earth whirling before a storm. it was just so powerful and grounded, like it's been here forever.
aw hun, did you spend you're bday with him. I'm sorry I missed it, I feel awful. I mean, yeah I couldn't be there in person, but I wasn't here for you, I was just gone when I should have been here for you and some other people. babe, I'm sorry
all my love
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY
The contrast in the images in the first verse, the stab of cold in lungs to unhealthy to recieve it versus the coldness of the stab upon a heart alreay to weak to take it, grabs my attention quickly. There is nothing maudlin or over done in this verse so I am pulled into the pathos and starkness seeking for the cause. Excellent job, since I am easily put off by the standard drama.
The joy and dreaminess in the second verse is stunning and full of promise; if it were not for the shadow dark and looming created by the first verse, then the edge of doubt in the last line would pass unnoticed.
The joy of sharing burned away. The third verse is the story we all know but do not want to hear. Keeping it short and brief made its impact more poignant and more painful. Trust is a gift that to often is misunderstood or in receiveing -- the strength of it betrays how fragile it is. Leaving a dream is hard, the sadness in leaving a dream betrayed -- immeasurable.
No need to say how much I am impressed. I think you know. As your friend, I only need to remind you my door is always open and my heart tender.
Love,
Tom B.
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Your kind words and gentle heart have always made me feel warm. Thank you for your kinds words and birthday wishes
Love
Jordanne
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Oh gosh I never knew it was your birthday yesterday. I feel awful! You shoulda told me!! I could have got you something. And maybe I will! Hehe. Anyway, I love this poem, the last two lines really done it for me. I hope everything turns out ok for you my lovely. You know I'm always ALWAYS! here if you ever need to talk. :]
Love yooou
♥ ♥ ♥
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This is such a beautiful write, my dear. The imagery is bittersweet. One of your best recently, I must say. I loved it. And Happy belated birthday, hun.
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