Pristine...like a
virgin's hallowed light,
powdery white sands,a
magical painting,an
enchanting dream with
drifting white clouds
whispering ethereal across
silvery blue hues and
summers bright sky.
Misty sea-spray,pink coral reefs,
rippling calm waves gleaming neath
hazy sun kissed rays.
Fish are jumping,kingfishers
plunging..catching their prey
in the clear crystal
emerald blue bay.
Seagulls gliding,soaring high,
sand pipers piping,
herons at a glance,all joining in
the sea breeze dance.
Coconuts and cream cockles and clams,
palm fronds swaying,exotic
plants tranced.
I've been here before,
Dejavu..it's called,or
so they say.Dejavu
or not,i'm here
to stay.Matters not
what it's called,
dejavu or not,
i've been here before,and.. long... before
dejavu and "Degas" got their
call.
Author notes
David Wright helped me with some of the construction of this piece.I thank him.
Purrsanthema also explained Alliteration,lol.
A contest entry
- 5 "CHOICE" options by LadyJane13.
800 points, ended May 15, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think ? please bear in mind that i'm not a poet though i am willing to learn and appreciate constructive criticism.Thanks.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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My wife had an art appreciation course recently, and I fuzzy remember Degas as a painter, yes? And his work "Tahiti" would be one of his famous ones... I love this. I think I must go wash the sand from my toes!
Thanks for rewarding my work , "Convinced" . I recognize Arlena C, but you did a name change, didn't you? I go to a large church and when the women change their hair, or loose a lot of weight, I can't tell who they are anymore. Be a luv, and remind me of your old avatar, OK? -
Alliteration: examples
the two s's in sea spray. the c's in clear crystal. also the l's: you used complicated alliteration here to build your image. In the line before you chose for the first word of the sentence "Catching". That ties your image together with initial c's. The initial c's in "Cocoanuts and cream" and "Cockles and clams". Again, you capably linked them in the line between with your choice of the word "corals". In the history of Anglo Saxon literature there was something extraordinarily beautiful called alliterative verse, which used alliteration and no rhyme as an expressive linking device. -
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Merci
Thanks again.
I appreciate it very much!
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Your images are beautiful, clear and intense. "Cocoanuts and cream"......."Cockles and clams:"you understand alliteration and use it well. "The sea-breeze dance": you have originality and know how to use it. "Or so they say"/ ........."I'm here to stay". You know how to rhyme well and capably. You're not a poet? Who gave you that idea?
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Alliteration...hmm,lol,whatz that?
Thank you so much for your time and kind words.
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a pleasure to read this poem! images that made me smile and admire and think you must have enjoyed writing this fine entry because it has a really good spirit about it.
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It's a very lovely poem with a wonderful underlying sentiment. I do have some writing suggestions ie; In the beginning I might have written "Pristine... like a virgins hallowed light, powdery white sands, a magical painting, an enchanting dream with drifting white clouds whispering ethereal across silvery blue hues and summers bright sky. tales. I see many writers do this a you have capitalizing too many lines and writing in far too narrow a format. Lengthen your lines ie; "a magical painting an enchanting dream" Otherwise you have a great way with words and a talent for creating beautiful thoughts. Hope this helps.
Best of luck on your adventure into the land of poetry - David Wright
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Thanks
I've been so busy with my hectic life,that each time I come in here and intend to edit this with your wonderful help,I end up reading the beautiful poetry of all you master poets and never get round to this.
Tc.
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The first lines of this poem grabbed me and waltzed me in, many on here know i am a word junkie, today my friend in words, you gave the ole junkie her fix
thankyou
Theresa
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Lol,word junkee
Glad you enjoyd
This. Thanks 4 your support.
Hope ure keeping well.Tc
"hug"
S...
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Utterly consumed
with all the innate attention to detail.This is a very decorative write.Thank you for taking part in my contest.
Jane -
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Thank you
It may not be a poem,but I had fun writing it !
Thank you again
S.
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Amazing and captivating. You have delivered a wonderful and original image with a unique power. This poem reads like; bam, bam, bam, as you fire the images at the reader. Well done.
Love,
Amera♥
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Thanks
I come in here and get so mesmerized by sum of the excellet poetry in here,like yours and forget to thank all of you master poets 4 taking the time to read and comment on my rookie mash potatoe rants and raves.
Thank you.
S.
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Oh oh oh!!!!!! Lol I can hear the sea birds calling and smell the salty sea. You're a master poet!
Peace Georgia
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Sorry
Hi,I get so blown away in here reading all these poems and so rudely forget to extend my gratitude.
Thank you very much 4 your time and commys.
S.
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spell binding read absolutly excellent took me there and the birds craped on my shirt thats how real, i think it happened all before haha top write this one
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Lol
Thank you..
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