Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Body Of Mine

This Body Of Mine

Wanting to possess and caress
The tenderness of my love's soft wanton breast's
It shivers with temptation when she is near
Our hearts collide as one- Both having nothing to fear

This Body Of Mine

Happy and sublime
Living just to taste-The sweet lips
Of what lie's between my loves tender hips
Joyful just to see though's eye's sparkle-
when she smiles at me

This Body Of Mine

It's ears waiting to hear
Sitting frozen by phone-It rings
I answer with a groan
Sorry I couldn't make it sweets
Stuck in a late night meeting
Didn't mean to leave you waiting and eating-
in are restaurant ---alone

This Body Of Mine

Now tangled tightly -wishing to unwind
It's been weeks- Groin aching! Heart breaking!
Constantly shaking awaiting her tenderness
Wishing to be saved from this physical distress
Wanting no more then to lie naked-
Wrapped in arms painted- in her virginal caress

This Body Of Mine

Now stalks her with laden design

finally find her half naked
Humping her hips vigorously-Trying to make it
With some insolent degenerate guy
Your typical bar fly
Her loins on fire to busy to see-
me standing there- While I glare- While I glare
Her riding his thigh---Tears start to roll
While i cry- While I cry

This Body Of Mine

 

 Prostrate- lie's on this foreboding shore

 With arms out stetched towards

 angles in dark dress

  Seeking just one.

Blood soaked hair and red shot eye'd

 darling to despise and immortalize

 

This Body Of Mine

 

 Yet barely alive-writhe's in pain it's hard member

 weeping!- hopeful to regain what it once was like-

 to dance in your womb

With white spews of lust- now dry as dust

 There dead apoun this desolate dune

 

 

This Body Of Mine

 

- Still-

 Dark old and ill-

 Wondering why women gave themselves

to all forms and manner of men

 -----------------But I

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 49 of 49

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    Alot of contests you slapped this one in lol
    and i thought this a lovely piece.
    I would of course do as the commentor below me suggested.

    Wishing you the best in the rounds contest.,

    Passionspromise


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow you have entered this one in a lot of contests... after a contest closes, you can remove your poem from it. It turns a lot of judges off to see a poem entered in so many different contests.


  • Nosce te ipsum
    September 9
    Edit | Reply
    please read the rules. no gold winners, sorry but i have to DQ you.


  • sgking123
    September 3

    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    This poem was pretty hot and pretty cold as well to read through.The description of what you body did,wanted to and ultimately ended up seeing...made the raeder feel awesome heat.Great words that described these so very well.When it came to the twist....the message was so cool......why do women give in to men of all sorts and forms.....particularly the woman you have had.....wow...........liked it dear so much.Thanks for your entry dear.


  • stargardt13
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry that you had to experience this pain. Very nice work in the poem though. It expressed you throughly. Thank you for entering my contest


  • EMOverlord
    August 19

    Edit | Reply
    Very good work, I love the immagery and metaphores. Thank you for entering.


  • starving4perfection
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    wow amazing imagery there. very well written i'd never have been able to write something like that...
    thanks for your entry and good luck!


  • skilter
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    that was cool, just not what i'm looking for. thank you for entering!


  • xxuglyducklingxx
    August 9
    Edit | Reply

    >.>

    Not bad a write, just not my style...but I can respect it for the art is is..good job and Keep writing.


  • Sonya-Erasmus silver member
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice,
    It's a sad story, one of rejection and pain.
    Thanks so much for entering
    Best of luck to you in the contest


  • Not-The-Sun
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    outstanding perspective, a bit abstract but astounding, nonetheless.
    "I answer with a groan
    Sorry I couldn't make it sweets" I could just picture this part so well
    "Tears start to roll
    While i cry- While I cry" had a sing songy sound to it; it's the first part of the poem where the reader sees that the character feels more than desire, the character feels pain, too. The last three lines were phenomenal. I am so glad to have read this work of art.
    You have won a few trophies with this, but considering how many you entered it into, and the fact that it's under erotica and weird for catagories makes me believe that you deserve more appreciation for this work.


  • Janetheplain
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Very intense. I liked this alot. Thanks for entering and good luck, Jane.

    Fave lines:
    Now tangled tightly -wishing to unwind
    It's been weeks- Groin aching! Heart breaking!
    Constantly shaking awaiting her tenderness
    Wishing to be saved from this physical distress
    Wanting no more then to lie naked-
    Wrapped in arms painted- in her virginal caress


  • Fallen Under Light
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    Happy and sublime
    Living just to taste-The sweet lips
    Of what lie's between my loves tender hips
    Joyful just to see though's eye's sparkle-
    when she smiles at me

    I clearly stated within the rules of this contest that I did not want anything erotic.


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    whao!

    What a big contrast...

    one min love.... next heartache!

    Stunning well done!

    and goodluck in the billion, zillion, trillion competitions this is in


  • Silence of Finality gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the 'body of mine' repeat. It was the foundation of the work, like the trunk of a tree, sprouting branches, high and low, full and bare. Like the sentiments throughout. Excellent piece.

  • Juno101
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Yo, shouldn't the "are" in the first stanza be "our". The body of mine repeat isnt necessary and really serves no purpose in the way you use it. Its nice and alright. TURN ME ON is a douche. Entering a poem in many contests doesn't show lazyness, if the contest requires a special emotion or genre and you have a poem that has it then why not enter? If your proud of your poetry then its fine to enter many contests. Anyway, thanks for joining my moresome.


  • his kiss
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    That many times you entered this poem shows ur lazy...*sighs*
    couldn't see the erotica *thumb down*


  • DancingRed
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think you needed to repeat 'This Body Of Mine' so often. The capitalisation and apostrophes seem off. Rhyme needs work, too. Thanks for entering though.
    DancingRed.

  • groovy afternoon
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    a very dark and brooding piece. Well done.


  • Antebellum
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much for entering.

    [if you end up in the finals I will comment better]


  • prankstar
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really good. i luv it ^^ I would really consider this for the finalists list. thanks for entering^^

    ---prankstar


  • BluRosePoet8488
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Kinda on the weird side of the tracks, yes, but it had its merits in the raw emotion department. Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
    ~Donna~


  • Sheli silver member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    i was a little put off by the repeating line, but otherwise, you really gained a momentum and kept me reading


  • Ice Queen
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry, you are right it is a little weird. Good job and good luck.


  • ronnica
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry


  • Serenity-words
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing



    It showed longing and them boom betrayal
    Two things that make a love poem especially wonderful.
    You did an amazing job with this
    Favorite line
    "hopeful to regain what it once was like-
    to dance in your womb"

    Perfection

    Thanks so much
    ~Serenity


  • Miss Macabre
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    It was dark...I liked it. Good luck.


  • Brooke Arabie
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    ehh good write but not what i wanted...thx for the entry

    -brookelee


  • NitroCircus
    June 12
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering. Relaly good write.


  • blood.stained.tears
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful poem, i throughly enjoyed reading this poem. it was great, and beautiful, in its own way, i loved it.


  • nobodys-girl
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    This isn't really what i was looking for but it's still really good. thank you for entering my contest and best of luck.


  • angelfalls.silently
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this but im very srry to say this was not wat i was looking for.... and i'll have to remove it again good... but not wat i want


  • Heva Feva
    June 5
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • daviscth
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for taking time to post this in my contest. I enjoyed the imagery very much. I especially liked the ending lines.


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery is fantastic. This wows me to the extreme. Great write. Thank you so much for entering my contest.


  • SummerlandRayne gold member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    An absolutely different take on this...well expressed with lots of intense imagery. Thank you for entering!


    Az


  • flaed
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    interesting. very nicely repetitive. sad too.


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    ended very abruptly, didnt understand that. in fact all of it was strange and confusing but still thank you for entering it nonetheless i enjoyed reading it


  • LaCkOfCoLoUr
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    a very erotic poem that is niceley written, but i must say that it doesn't say much about you, oh well thanx for the entry and sharing your art with us it is greatly apreciated


  • Fire-Fly
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry but one of the requirements I stated in the contest description was no long than 30 lines, which this one really is.

    Thanks anyway.


  • BreakingTheSurface
    May 14

    Edit | Reply

    It's ears waiting to hear
    Sitting frozen by phone-It rings
    I answer with a grown
    Sorry I couldn't make it sweets
    Stuck in a late night meeting
    Didn't mean to leave you waiting and eating-
    in are restaurant ---alone


    Grown...Groan, perhaps? But lots of imagery, very nice.


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    Her loins on fire to busy to see-
    me standing there- While I glare- While I glare
    Her riding his thigh---Tears start to roll
    While i cry- While I cry

    Not to draw your attention to a part that's obviously painful for you... But I loved the way you wrote this, with the repetition reinforcing certain parts...
    You could see the motion...which I'm guessing you don't wnat to see right now!!

    46? That's not old¬!¬

    And I'm sorry you were made to feel this, I'm sure, especially seeing the way you truly feel that there should be women everywhere who youd give themselves to you.

    God I'm sorry, that one should gives us a bad name, and I'm sorry that it all ended up this way.

    I wish you future joy..

  • OurxBeginning
    May 11
    Edit | Reply
    I am sorry, but I have to remove your piece because of the rhyming. Thanks for entering.


  • MichaelSavage gold member
    May 10
    Edit | Reply
    good take on a love poem
    thank you for entering my contest
    Michael


  • everyone1 gold member
    May 10

    Edit | Reply

    So;- Profound ... !


    .

    Oh your- words leave
    me broken ... because
    apathy, I-feel offers
    me-hope, but the
    best of all things
    yes willing and
    fervent it provides-
    me a companion of
    comfort on this journey
    apart from the one that I
    ~ love.~

    ~ So to offer I propose for you ~
    this, my own hand-still smarting
    mending of its own brokenness,
    one myself I carry, the pain;
    i cannot fathom alone.

    Peace friend peace ... !
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Carry its warmth with you,
    ~~~~~ knowing this ... ! ~~~~~

    ~James


  • PaperChainHearts
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good poem, but it isn't dirty pretty so I'm sorry but I'm going to have to DQ you.
    And you haven't posted in your Author Notes.
    Sorry.


  • Menna
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow i think this violates every rule i had. No adult. Posting in your AN and no other contests. IM sorry but i have to DQ you, better luck next time.


  • BeachBum1
    May 7

    Edit | Reply

    powerful

    aside the few errors,I liked the fact you avoided the temptation of writing about the female directly. instead speaking through the eyes of a man and his reaction to her. Loved it best of luck in my contest thanks for entering


  • Sunday Rain
    May 6

    Edit | Reply

    ...

    you just need to check your grammer,
    wile-should be while
    ^_^ and other then that, it's pretty good

1 - 49 of 49