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Lusting for Ophelia (revised/adult)

Missing image
Our gazes met only momentarily.
Yet, this night, I can scarcely deny
her presence, lingering, baiting,
lunging upon my breath, transfixed
within the periphery of my mind.


My limbs quake in seizure, lashed
to her wrought-iron four-poster bed.
Gazing over her shoulder, her eyes
pierce my being, like bits of molten
gold, drenching me in temptation.


Could it be that what I have most truly
desired in this life was merely destined
to be the very thing that I most fear?
Am I ill-fated to embrace the inevitable--


my own demise in its purest form of
arousal, pooling crimson to a boil
at my feet? Dare I lust for Ophelia?


Emblazoned thoughts of ivory hunger
descending upon my jugular with
the concussive force of a pack of
wolves, satiated only by an instinct
to lust after fresh meat, paralyze me--


rooting my core to this very spot 'neath my
severed soul, which begs the question:
Is my once noble alter-ego virtue rewarded,
or perhaps the latter, thrice vice punished?
 

Author notes

So, is this nobleman virtue rewarded, or vice punished? I'll let you decide. On that note, what happens when this nobleman, after years of soul-searching, finds his one true soul mate, yet discovers she is midnight's mistress? Is he in love with Ophelia, or is it, perhaps, that he's been utterly seduced at his own request? Perhaps, Ophelia has found her life mate. It remains to be seen until the sequel.

I just entered this into an anonymous contest, so please don't use my user name if you are kind enough to comment. Thanks, in advance.

http://aqualilia.deviantart.com/art/vampiress-34170125

A contest entry

Please feel free to offer constructive comments, as I welcome those.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 35 of 35
  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    September 18
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    A most beautiful and haunting piece, thank you and good luck in my contest, Josie


  • redmoonnrizing silver member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful piece! I think those of us who love vampire lore, have often yearned for that orgasmic yet, fatal kiss Good luck in the contest!!


  • Miss Macabre
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was great! So fun and to read, and the diction you used was very clever, especially:

    [Emblazoned thoughts of ivory hunger
    descending upon my jugular with
    the concussive force of a pack of
    wolves,]

    I was gaping while reading that. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you!


  • delic8
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    The style is a bit dramatic and purple for my taste, but the effect is quite striking taken as a whole. While the details are unclear, you make up for it in intensity.
    The fifth stanza is a bit funny, grammar-wise, but it's technically correct so I can't really complain. However, I have only the vaguest ideas of what the last stanza means--I don't know if this was intentional or not, but it is very confusing.


  • Lady of the Lake
    July 24

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    from the darkest creases of the passions hunger that which we fear we long for the most...i do think you have penned a master piece sir knight...words to make any vampire jealous...


  • prankstar
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    this is an incredibly detailed and intelectual poem. i reall enjoyed reading it. thank you for entering.

    ---prankstar


  • NooNiThEWitcH
    June 29
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    Interesting take on Ophelia, though I doubt it will make Hamlet jealous!
    Your use of words and vocabulary is stunning and breath-taking.

    I enjoyed reading this.
    Thank you for entering and for adhering to the contest rules. Keep on writing and good luck.

    Nooni


    • Knight70 silver member
      June 30
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for such gracious comments, Nooni.



      I didn't notice that I was on my wife's page (spanishrose) when I first replied to this.

      Don


    • spanishrose
      June 30
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for such gracious comments, Nooni.



      Don

  • Bruce silver member
    June 25

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    Don, your readers like this and they have good taste! This is one of the more intelligent pieces of erotica in all of AP. I wish I could do as well as you in this genre. I particularly liked the first and last stanzas! Well done, my friend!

    • Knight70 silver member
      June 25
      Edit | Reply

      I'm honored to get such a thoughtful comment on my writing.

      Thank you, Bruce. I've got very little experience writing erotica, but I guess what appeals more to me in the genre is more subtlety. I try to avoid certain four letter words that are used constantly. In hardcore erotica, it works well, but I try to go beyond what is the norm, and dig deeper with my imagery. Sometimes, what's not said helps a piece to be far more erotic than what is said. I've read some incredible erotica on AP, especially by Dalaney, but I've also read some that I couldn't get into. This piece is more about what is between the lines with the nobleman's hidden desires coming to fruition. He finds himself deeply aroused by the immortal mistress, Ophelia, but also realizes that his desires may yet be his undoing.

      I don't ever want to see myself labeled as one particular type of poet, so I explore different genres. Sometimes, I'm all about nature (especially with my haiku and sea poetry) and spirituality, but I love to write dark pieces from time to time, as well.

      I'm glad you mentioned the first and last stanza on this poem. Those are the two stanzas that I revised the most. I'm really happy with the changes I made to both stanzas.

      Don


  • Night Terrors
    June 25

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    hmm deep thoughts here. I think that you really created a very intelligent poem here. I would give this a 4/10 I appreciate you entering such a great poem


  • Dryad Enya
    June 23

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    This is beautifully written and you are obviously talented, my favourite part? The whole of the third stanza: "Could it be that what I have most truly
    desired in this life was merely destined
    to be the very thing that I most fear?
    Am I ill-fated to embrace the inevitable-- " becuase it just stands out most. I dont know when you started writting but i'd say keeping going this is a marval and i'd love to read more!
    best of luck in the competition
    Gorecki

    • Knight70 silver member
      June 26
      Edit | Reply

      This comment made my day.

      Thank you so much. I'm honored to receive such a gracious comment on my work. This is one of the few vampire pieces I've written, and my personal favorite of the three. I've got another one in mind, I think.

      I really appreciate how you complimented all of the poets who entered your contest. I get annoyed when I see contests that go on about how most of what they have read on AP is "crap poetry," so your words just left a really good first impression on me, and I hope to enter more of your contests in the future. I have yet to post my own contest. It's been 2 and a half years, so my points are building up.

      Don


  • Serenity-words
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is......
    stunning.
    Speechless, that's what you left me with this poem
    ~Serenity

    • Knight70 silver member
      June 22
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for such a gracious comment, Serenity.



      I'm pretty new to vampire pieces, but I've just been inspired to write many more from time to time, especially after reading some from Fritz O skennick's brilliant work. As soon as I get my internet back, I'll be reading up on more of yours. This library computer has a time limit.

      Don


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome...

    Impressive work...
    Deep, dark & enticing with a sensual undertone that rises the passions of your readers & enthralls throughout...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!

    • Knight70 silver member
      June 17

      Edit | Reply

      Wow! What a great comment!

      I've only written three vampire poems, but this is my most recent and favorite. I've been working on another one about a vampiress named Serena, but it's not finished. I'm also working up some ideas for a vampire poem since I haven't written one yet. My wife loves to read erotic vampire novels by several different authors, so I write these for her a lot. It's good for my marriage, and they are really fun to write.

      Don


  • Deindichter
    June 11

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    Great way to pull the readers into the story from the very begining. Freud might agree with your third stanza, as he argued that which we sdeem taboo is exactly what we desire. Your language is vibrant and electric for the reader.
    this is really well written, its exciting and simple, very well done.

    • Knight70 silver member
      June 11
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you!

      I'm honored to get such an excellent comment on this poem. This is one of my personal favorites. I love horror pieces. I'm going to write about some of the classic horror movies, soon. I loved all of them.

      Don


  • Heva Feva
    June 5
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    Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    June 3

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    I feel just great reward and wow, you drew me in and I kept wanting more. so enthralling and powerfully alluring. loved it.


  • T-Dizzle Mcnizzle
    June 2

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    Wow! Such an amazing poem! This piece is so expressive of a longing for- and battle against one's own desire. The question to be answered...will I live in my lust or die by my vice. Will virtue win out and I miss pleasure consummated...or realize virtue triumphant is truly living.
    Such an amazing write!


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written I really enjoyed the write. You did a good job on this. I don't think it needs any revision really. I love the write and it is well done. Thank you for sharing.

    • Knight70 silver member
      May 29
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      Thank you so much.

      I've only written a couple of these, but I had the most fun writing this one. I'll have to write another one soon. Don


  • DeJaBlue gold member
    May 14

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    Hmmm..dark and sensual, but with a intrigue that keeps you reading. Nice job.

    • Knight70 silver member
      May 14
      Edit | Reply

      I love writing these from time to time.

      My wife, Simona Marie, is a big fan of Lyndsay Sands' Arganeau series of vampire novels, as well as novels by L.A. Banks.

      Don

      • DeJaBlue gold member
        May 14
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        I've never read Lyndsay Sands...I will have to check them out...I am sure if she likes it, I would too, lol....I don't get overly lost in vampire stuff...but I do enjoy it from time to time


  • PastelMoons gold member
    May 8

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    I love this!!!
    I could so easily visualise
    the scene, the sights, sounds and smells.
    Strong emotion!!!
    Thank you for taking me on this journey
    You're so very talented
    it's always a pleasure to read you!
    Best wishes in the contest!

    ~Pastel

  • Mercury Rising
    May 6

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    Extremely dark and erotic indeed, and just a terrific piece of poetry. Your imagery and phrasing are incredibly effective, and this is a fabulous take on the prompt. Best of luck in the contest.


  • DinkyDiver gold member
    May 5

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    Interesting yet dark! Two sides to the coin of this life...
    Your words are powerful, persausive and maybe slightly seductive!

    Ah awesome write and lovely imagery to it! X x goodluck!


  • individuality gold member
    May 5

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    a good dark twisting sensual piece - roaming the ways of love in the realms of shadows, ah perhaps we all like the darker ways to lash us with pain.


  • Ice Queen
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting, and you kept my interest. Wonderful write and it was amazingly penned. Good job, and thanks for entering my contest. Good luck to you.

1 - 35 of 35