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between clouds

Missing image

 

 

 

she was jaded
with teasing the sea

and must have sensed
the sky in my eyes
                               too

 

 

 

 

 

she snatched the
       softest         waves
to serenade me
with moonlight lemonade
and savoury ice cubes

 


then held out her hand
in a silhouetted whisper

and asked me

to dance with her

bare foot

between
clouds

 

 

showed me how
to tickle the water's surface
just enough to cause a
ripple

 

 

and how to disappear
at dawn
without a trace

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I used the prompt: the moon took my face in her hands


image credit

In a list

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • OurxBeginning
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a profound piece, really it is. I love the soft and subtle imagery. Nice use of words. Perfection in the making.


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is stunning, I could see the scene playing out in my mind, you have a wonderful talent for this kind of writing. Best to you in the contest


  • owlish
    May 5

    Edit | Reply

    50/50

    Imagery/Metaphors/Similes: 10/10
    Originality: 10/10
    Grammar/Spelling/etc.: 10/10
    Beginning and Conclusion: 10/10
    Vocabulary: 10/10

    This is simply an amazing poem. The imagery is enough to make one salivate. I love everything. Seriously. Also, you used some of my favorite words: jaded, serenade, silhouetted. Love the idea of moonlight lemonade.

    Gorgeous piece, well-written and lovely.


  • white stone
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    I love the moon, what an ode to her this is...
    You are very talented.
    She controls the waves and our biochemistry through her secondary gravity...
    She always looks so lonely to me.


  • The Drifter
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    Another fairy like dream, so pleasant.
    To be able to disappear at dawn, there are times I have wished for that.

1 - 5 of 5