Trixie was recently hired by All-Writer's Magazine
as the Hot New Music Critic.
This is her first interview for AP.
Today, all you poetic cats and kittens, I’m spilling on these pages,
my first interview with the MAN with a CAN, Horus8. How, you may
ask did I get the perpetual poet of motion to sit down with me?
I stalked the hell out of him. Slept in his guest house and called
through the intercom system until he could deny me no more.
Horus8 & his Werewolves are in the studio working on a new CD
and will soon be playing the college circuit, traversing the United
States shaking the coddled to their cores.
Here it is 20 Questions or so – Playboy-style.
Trixie: Hey, despite the fact that your CD’s have a loyal following,
err, well, will have a loyal following in the very near future, your
stuff is rarely heard on the radio – what type of payola is it going
to take to get a DJ in Des Moines to play a few cuts from
Emotionally Unavailable, or your second album Gangbox?
Horus8: Hmmm. Well Des Moines you say? Ah, great city
I would think a case of Schlitz, a BBQ, and a whore in a cake,
probably, give or take a candle or a rib.
Trixie: What do you think of when you hear the name,
Barry Manilow?
Horus8: Gay sex on a boat with no destination.
Trixie: Do you have tourettes syndrome?
Horus8: Ha, Ha... Go fuck a tractor you cunt fisted dick parlor.
Trixie: Are you a spiritual person?
Horus8: Oh yeah, seriously, I was raised extremely Lutheran,
and was often filled with so much Holy Spirit I could barely eat for days,
and I would wander off to be found (weeks later) hugging bologna
at the grocers. I'm a Freemason, and I practice ritual magic actually...
I play with herbs. I'm an agnostic warlock. So yeah, I'm about as spiritual
as the next guy cultivating poppies and making custom ceramic
wind-chimes to sell at the flea market.
Trixie: Would you consider a Renaissance Fair or Zoo Tour?
Horus8: Actually that's a fucking fantastic idea?
Where do I sign up for that?
Trixie: Really, why should anyone care who you are?
Horus8: Interesting, well: I'm good looking, I'm a family man,
have done loads of harmful drugs, I'm a raging alcoholic, and a
convicted felon. I like to cook, and I think voting or owning a gun
is an utter waste of time, I'm a hands on kind of guy's guy.
Like, if I got my hands around your neck, because you didn't like me,
you'd start to real quick.
Trixie: Have you ever seen the inside of a tour bus?
Horus8: Ah yeah, I blew Rufus Wainwright on route 66.
Trixie: Do you believe in prescribed gender roles?
Horus8: Doesn't everyone like Dave Navarro?
Trixie: What modern artists do you listen too?
Horus8: The Bad Brains, Dr. Demento. Ween, Beck, Frank Zappa,
Cake, Fugazi, Our Lady Peace, and way too much polka. Did I ever
tell you about when I was in jail in Minnesota? that was The only
fucking channel they got, 'polka', and then later, 'Kids in the hall'.
It was like being married to a transvestite in the Bavarian Alps.
A fucking yodeling nightmare, eek... Where were we, ah I listen to
lots of stuff, I have 10,000 songs on perma spin in my iTunes. I listen
to probably 5 to 10 albums a day of old and new. Everything from
classical and jazz to death metal and punk, comedy skits and quotes,
some rap.
Trixie: Is it really all about groupies and drugs?
Horus8: What was that, a trick question? No, it's about death
by jet and Chlamydia in Grand Rapids. Of course it's about the
attention, but you have to have an even stock in the art of story
telling in order to get there to begin with.
Trixie: Is your ultimate goal to conquer soul music?
Horus8: Ah, I could easily be a blues brother by 44,
and be covering funk and soul. I've always wanted
to be Reverend Handrinos.
Trixie: Would you feel proud if you offended the devil?
Are you the devil?
Horus8: Aren't you just a plum? Some say my Pa is, but rumor
has it 'twas the work of a serial rapist known as the 'real milkman'.
Yeah the devils cool, I have no qualms with either or.
Trixie: Are you a devil angel hermaphrodite?
Horus8: Nah, I'm a straight shooter, well I am slightly guy sick
some times, all those years as a male escort, but normally
I'm a beaver trapper at heart. I'm more of a buffed lesbian with
a high IQ and good etiquette if anything.
Trixie: Do you have a front-man theory of electricity, like Patti, Lou, Iggy?
Horus8: Yes, cover them (Iggy, Patti, Lou) and be yourself.
Oh yeah, and you have to have been born with a heart the size
of a cows head, but now only functioning on a winter green pea,
due to the love loss.
Trixie: What hand do you use to bubbsterbate?
Do you bubbstebate?
Horus8: My right, unless I'm feeling frisky then I just hug the dryer.
Trixie: To create a marketable poppy star song, does one have to sell out?
Horus8: I thought I already did (sniffs armpits).
Trixie: How do you feel about Gene Simmons tongue?
Horus8: Not intimidated at all, wait until the world sees mine
I can lick mustard off of my fucking eye brows in a tunnel.
Trixie: The Foo Fighters are doing a kick ass cover of Prince’s
Darling Nikki – what Prince song would you consider covering?
Horus8: When doves cry
Trixie: Would you consider starring in a remake of Spinal Tap?
Horus8: In a heart beat Christopher Gest is a genius;
I already have herpes, so yeah, I'm a shoe in.
Trixie: How do you feel about Sweden?
Horus8: I think they are a bunch of pussies, but hey, if there's beer?
I'll look the other way too.
Trixie: Tell us a bit about the new band?
Horus8: Buy the CD, ah to be honest; we're looking for a female
drummer preferably African American or Native American currently.
We have Josh Barbosa at lead guitar, me singing, and at the piano
and guitar, and a bass player named Travis, but so does every band
right, no offense Trav.
Trixie: And dude, what is the deal with all the poetry?
Horus8: I'm a poet, I've been to Uranus, what can I say?
Writing just comes easy for me, it's too bad there's no gelt
(cash) in it. I'm fucking starving to death. If I ever find the
'Top Ramen' factory, I'll be torn on whether to blow
them up, or franchise.
Watch for future articles by Trixie interviews Hot Musicians.
That is if she ever leaves the guest house.
Author notes
Cd's are on sale for FIVE bucks!!!!!
www.cdbaby.com
Written March 10th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Your Job (Humor Contest) by JennyLee.
300 points, ended October 11, 2004, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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Certainly, if you were taking it seriously?
It was a joke, not an institution. -
Personally, I sort of got tired of this after a while. It just seemed a bit repetitive, but I don't know whether it was more because of the questions or the replies. Maybe both ends tried a little too hard. I don't know. Oh well, nice interview.
-Renae. -
HEY! someone looks good in that picture
haha nice interview would've been nice to have it in the real zine 
Good Luck in the contest oOo Can I join your band? I heard ppl say I am a good singer 
coughcoughNOTcoughcough
See ya around
Love
Seraph -
OK photo
-
I use to have those sunglasses in every shade well i cunt remember if i had commented on this one but i love it
-
lol, what the bloody hell was that? Wow, I must say, I'm amazed to see horus actually speaking relativly understandable english And hey horus, I'll play drums for your band Ya know...once I learn to play them, lol, but I'm African American AND Native American, what more could you ask for?
-
ROFLMAO
I loved this one sweets
Thanks for the laugh I needed it
And hey what the hell happened to my man on NYPD BLUE
He left the show damn damn double damn Eric is gone
You write so much I can't keep up with ya sweets
Damn got to look for those roller skakes lol
Keep em er oh comming lol
Hugs
Susan~~~~~
-
seriously man, this was great...too bad you can't run for TV Show Host or something...night time commedian...
i'd vote for you.
oh yeah, I don't have a TV
hell i'd vote for you anyway... -
hahahahlarious
HAhhahahwhehehehahahah shit I can't stop laughinnnghhahahahahaaahah...
ok..
i'm good now...heh heheh hehhahahaahsohohoshit ahahhhahahaaaaafuck
i gotta leave an get some water... -
You let some dumb bimbo do your interview? What the fuck. I mean really, who the hell has been telling everyone about you -ME! This totally pissed me off. Took me two days to get up the courage to post a reply. I'll get over it.....
-
Yeah, with nucleur astringent.
-
twitches
la needs to be cleaned.
N... -
Actually, that's a picture of my reflection in a downtown la businesses window.
-
you noticed the coffee stain on the picture right :/ it made me laugh
N...
Edited on Mar 12 because ''. -
laughz you are, a wee bit bizzar, but so comical
on a side note...nice hands..
Nyx... -
hits the floor in disbelief
Dr. Demento?? Shit I thought I was ht eonly one that listened to that. That is the only thing that surprised me about you. Everything else well is you.
I like the "real" side of horus8
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
Interesting.. informative and completely round the hat rack!! snorted and chortled a few times
~GILL~xx -
-
I seriously liked the first few lines before the interview, and the invterview rocked too. I'd expect nothing less from you. NICE pic too! Hott!
Edited on Mar 10, 7:31 p.m. because 'uhm, spelling mistakes'. -
That was the most entertaining thing I've read since the last time.. you.. wrote.. something....... I was laughing my ass off.. you really do have problems, but then again, so don't we all!...
...
...
bubbsterbate? ROFL! -
Interesting......no idea what a Playboy style interview is like, since I've never read one......is it anything like a Playgirl interview
(I agree with Tina "Whatta hottie 8") Is this an all-ages magazine?...the swearing 
)
-
Well fuck me with a spatula and call me Chango. Hope the following follows like a stalker sucking pixie dust through a tail pipe on a '76 Chevy. Quite creative and overflowing with TMI (too much information)....lol...Nice one brod'a!
Peace
Chris -
Aahahahaahah!!!
Bubbersterbate? -
Fan-lucking-tastic! I'm a fan. Get famed so I can find you.
And how about that Trixie! What a cool interview. Wait! RAD, is the word, right? Trixie, go it cat, you brought out the best in this dude. -
I like this Trixie person. She asks some hard-hitting questions and your responses are, as ever, amusing and somewhat endearing. I like your attitude. Care for a beer? How about some Jack? I'm buying.
-
I'm impressed and you made me laugh ..not an easy feat....by the way..dr. demento is hilarious ...used to have a bunch of his collections ..I think I lost them somewhere along the way.
-
This is interesting! It does give a a sense of who you are horus8, but then some of it is vague. It does hype me to your CD though. That's where my interet is sparked. Glad to hear that you listen to all music, all day. "Polka" is extreme but to each his own. lol This is funny and a great idea. If there is a a magazine I am glad you were the first feature. You're a basket case hours8, you already know that right? I agree with the Barry Manilow feelings. Thanks for sharing. I hope you make it big, keep pushing baby, can't understand why a hunk like you would have to "bubbsterbate". I am sure the groupie chicks would fulfill any fantasy you can imagine. I'm not the groupie type but you have crossed my mind in that seedy, raw, raungy way, once or twice. No offense to your family, but I have my right to fantacise! This was fun, thanks!
Ja
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She's crazy, I don't even think she works with all-writers, lol.
-
Whatta hottie 8. this is an interesting interview, but why post it seperate before the magazine comes out? Is this just a glimpse of what is to come, or will they be posted like this always?
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lol
-
very cool interview...this man sounds very interesting (unfortuantely i do not know who he is..) nevertheless, this is an excellent and humerous interview.
good job
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I've fixed them, I was bored and drinking matte.
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Sorry for my typographical errors, Mr. Horus8, sir, you are just so damn hot I got all fluffed and stuff. I promise to be more careful on Part 2.
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Hey NRG, You seem to be a big fan...have you sprung for a CD yet? What is your favorite song?
-
Hey now, I am Trixie and I do exist. Do you think I'd spill all the details in my first interview? I'm a virgin. We take it slow. One interview at a time. Dig? But good to know you are interested. (Travis get off of me!)
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Write an accompaniment, let's find out my favourite mineral and totem too.
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No, it was a real interview actually. Well, depending on the cereal.
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lmao I get you are a few differnet people trapped in your own mind, but anyways this was great as always what can I say I except rock and roll
-
Funny
Great interview, except that she(you)was tossing you (yourself) a lot of softballs. I mean come on. Where's the grit? She didnt even ask what your real name is.
Travis will have to sit out on When Doves Cry, so I would like to suggest Computer Blue. Goes with the background, and, as a nice ancillary bonus, you would get to prance around the stage shirtless and wearing a leather mask. "Horus?" "Yes Travis?" "is the water warm?" "Yes travis." You get the picture.
Stellar. -
"days later hugging bologna and the grocers." change 'days' to weeks and 'and' to at.
"well I am slightly guy dsick some" sick.
"Buy the cd, ah to be honest;" drop the 'ah'.
", what can I say writing just" change comma to period, and add a comma after say.
"top ramen " capitalize both words. -
With a name like Trixie you would think ... Some slacks a given.
"Trixie: What do you think of when you hear the name, Barry Manilow?
Horus8: Gay sex on a boat with no destination."
space between the questions.
"I as raised extremely Lutheran and was"
'was'.
"that was The only fucking channel they got polka," ,"polka".
"would wonder off to be found often days later hugging bologna and" wander. -
Interesting. Cute. Clever. Cute...no wait, I said that already....uh...adorable? Faugh. Frightening -- nah.
Enjoyed the interview. Here's 10 bucks - go buy a spell checker...dammit.
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