Your branches wave, stark wands of wood,
Your leaves are dark and dying.
Your wind moans low, as if it could
Mask tears and sounds of crying.
Your sky is slate, an endless void,
No sun or stars adorning.
Your pine trees twist as though annoyed,
And whisper needly warnings.
Your hills are brown, their future bleak,
They hover, dark and brooding.
Your snows begin with white mystique,
The times of warmth concluding.
You paint a scene of somber art,
Whisper through, then soon depart.
Author notes
My first "sonnet" - no one told me about the iambic pentameter thing. Written for daughter's high school English class - she refused to even try. Only time we did that I think.
Written March 10th, 2004
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Haha!I knew abt the iambic pentameter "thing" but unfortunately thought it was 10 syllables a line...lol.So whenever i write a sonnet, I never get it write.Even for your 1st sonnet, this is extremely good
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beautiful and visual
Ok I don't feel so idiotic now... I wrote my first sonnet "Dirt Tear Garden" but then I found out the iambic pentameter stuff and i guess it isn't a sonnet but I really did like this sonnet or not. I'm not really into nature/seasonal poetry but this was beautiful! I really enjoyed this... I don't know if you edited the couplet from when Jobob commented on it but I agree with him that it is a bit weak and if you edited it then I'm sorry.. I still think its a bit weak. They are great lines, the whole poem is wonderful I just think you need a stronger ending you are such an amazing writer I know you can come up with something.
Great Write, always a pleasure to read your work.
.Amanda. -
Glad to find it!
I write sonnets too, and have felt rather like the lonesome
pine still alive after a fire...Liked yours, and appreciate the form. I will return, with a bookmark here.
Edited on Apr 24, 1:37 p.m. because 'It had omitted a part'. -
very beautiful winter write...I myself love the bleak characteristics of winter...maybe I appreciate them since I grew up in So Cal without the seasons...or maybe I'm just weird.
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It's a beautiful poem, whether or not it's truly a sonnet! My constructive comment is that you lost your rhythm in the last two lines which was so beautifully held for the rest of the poem, so it ends rather weakly. Ironic, though, because those two lines are in iambic pentameter! Your imagery and rhyme is flawless though, and the poem is just scintillating! (I'm running out of positive adjectives to use!)
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Well...now that you've fixed the bad rhyme how could I?
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Thanks for not mentioning my youthful "senility"
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There's nice imagery here...I'll hold back on the "spinster/winter" rhyme since you wrote this so long ago.
M
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