In all the beautiful words, I find my truth
the pain of the reality
and the enchantment of an eternity
they both fill these words
these I love you's and I do's
the forever and always
the id die for you
The sun could never shine as bright
as your eyes as they ask me to hold you
my words could never express my deep love
and yet my words will always try to
our children play games as we grow old together
so very very right
always and forever my love
never let us forget
we are the lucky ones my heart
forever and till the end
some shall know this and live it and grow in it
and hold it and laugh in it and play
but then there is the other half to this
the its time to move on and time to wither
The words are broken and they all turn to glass
they cut the pain into your heart
the words never even asked
forever apart of your soul
your eyes a little darker
and even a little cold
one fell out of love while the other fell deeper
and now the heart beats slower, a little harder yet a little weaker
tears fall hard and crash like ocean waves
the pain inside, what is this
just brutal cold pain
the I love you dies
A contest entry
- Darkness and Light by guardian warrior.
550 points, ended May 5, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What you think? Newbie that needs constructive criticism
Comments
-
I agree with Blue Lamps comment. The poem could use a bit of work to make it smoother. It does show a bit of both sides of love. The balance is shown even in the end of the poem with the line "one fell out of love while the other fell deeper"
I also like the transition between the good and light. You didn't just jump into the dark side of it.
"some shall know this and live it and grow in it
and hold it and laugh in it and play
but then there is the other half to this
the its time to move on and time to wither"
That was well placed to move from one to the other. Thank you for the entry and good luck. -
Such a wonderful outpouring of love through darkness and light. There is so much to absorb within the words expressed on this page that perhaps, a bit of punctuation and brevity in lines ewould allow a smoother read.
Content is wonderfully pure and caring particularly these lines:
"The words are broken and they all turn to glass" -
Glass being beautiful when whole but able to cut deeply when broken.
A pleasure to read and enjoy today. ~The Blue Lamp
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