Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Elf of the Wand

 

 

 

 

The wizard with the ring of fire,
a ring of power they call Narya,
As Gandalfs chosen words can charm the sky,
take pride as we take arms.

Amid the Hobbits thereupon
he was sure to defeat Sauron
'The Wisest' claimed Elf Cirdan as we cry
with pride to save our clan.

Elf of the Wand, Gandalf the Grey,
last Istari to come this way
and Quenya who gives command, so say I,
he'll die at their demand.

 

Do not grieve! For Gandalf the White,
will stand beside our clan to fight
the evil hordes these dark days as before

the war of worlds replays.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Gandalf, the Elf of the Wand. ~ created by JRR Tolkien

Form: Byr a Thoddaid

Welsh in origin the form consists of any number of quatrain stanzas. Each stanza combines one couplet of eight syllable lines a. a. and one couplet where the first line has ten syllables and the second line has six syllables, This couplet is called a toddaid byr.

There is no set order for the couplets.

In the ten syllable line the main rhyme b. b. is found before the end of the line and the last syllable of that line links the six syllable line by alliteration, assonance or secondary rhyme. Here is the form layout. Please note the red syllables are the possible placings of the internal devices.

 

xxxxxxxa

xxxxxxxa

xxxxxxbxxc

xcxxxb

 

or

 

xxxxxxdxxe

xexxxd

xxxxxxxf

xxxxxxxf

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Lyndon gold member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply

    Ten points for bravery!

    In many cultures, poetic form is so closely wedded to language when it comes to rhyme and metre that a Modern English version is difficult to present with conviction but I'm proud of you for giving it a go. Just as "N'est-pas?" is a refrain spoken in French, so is the Welsh equivalent of "so say I".
    Note Gandalf's. And the end 'f' sounds 'v'.
    Good work on the whole. Thank you.
    Lyndon of the Winklings.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    This needs one or two wee tweaks, but trust you to use this form. I have done so once before myself, and it is not easy! Commendable stuff - wishing you success in the contest.

    Check this out - http://allpoetry.com/poem/2049654 - and tell me what my favourite ever book for children is!


    • Ceridwens Soul silver member
      May 5

      Edit | Reply
      It''s not easy in English that's for sure, and this is my first one in English. It needs a few tweaks I know. I kept slipping into Welsh and I can see them now.


      • Mairi bheag gold member
        May 5

        Edit | Reply
        Actually the "so say I" refrain you had before was rather effective.

        You have a feel for Welsh forms.