Listening to old songs on radio
On evenings when I am alone
While I walk in that wild garden
With Lilies overgrown
A pair of jeans and white tee.
For camping trips on winter noons
On hills with warmest hues
And on Sunday it reminds me
Of backyard barbecues
A pair of jeans and white tee.
Of our first date and my first kiss
That evening it rained
Those memories live in my heart
As fresh as life sustained
A pair of jeans and white tee.
Sometimes I wear that old
Faded and rusty jeans
To be that innocent girl again
Still in her fifteens.
Tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Love the youthful feelings and at the same time, nostalgia expressed by this poem. The repetition "pair of jeans" helps to reinforce the innocent and simple emotions they represent.
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Sometimes I wear that old
Faded and rusty jeans
To be that innocent girl again
Still in her fifteens
funny the sentimental things that can take us back to youth. well written and thank you for sharing this with me today. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the very near future. viyanna rosemarie
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I love the imagery of this poem. My favorite part was the first stanza.
The repetition was really good, but I would change line 16-17 to "Sometimes I wear those/Old, faded jeans." And line 19 to "Still in her teens." Line 18 was awesome! I would put periods after lines 11, 12, 4, and 9. I would delete line 21.
I would also capitalise pair, jeans, white, and tee in the title. I like how the title connects with the refrain. -
This poem flows really well. I love the first two lines and I love the last stanza. It's really a nice poem. I love when clothes, music, ect. reminds me of a person or memory. I just love the idea of this poem. Good write.
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I liked the poem, very reminiscing. There are a few things I will suggest, on the line "on hill with colorful hues" it would flow better it is was "on a hill" or "on hills".
Also on the line "sometimes I wear that old" it was hard to read and I feel that if it read "sometimes I wear those old" it would flow better.
Lastly I noticed that some of your lines continue on the next line, if you add minimal punctuation those lines that are meant to connect would not feel so disconnected.
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Swati, this has evoked some old memories... I remember in way back yonder, Vividhbharti used to broadcast oldies every morning at 7am... and one couldn't miss it, because all the families in the vicinity tuned in the same station
with the exception of some south Indian families, they had tuned in to the south indian music since 5am...
This poem is a treat for me...I liked the poems that depict the past....
The line "A pair of jeans and white tee" has worked well as a refrain in this composition...
keep it up...
mina
PS: Bheja Fry is hilarious
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hello dear,
nice poem and beautiful verse... although you have read it to me yourself a day ago.. still I thought that I should comment...
some real nostalgia and smell of old days here.. mast hai!!
Good wishes
have fun
-UG
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Very good, I love the nostalgic element to this, we all long to go back to those innocent times...but if given the chance would we do anything different...I mostly would not...but I do like to go back there some days!
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