Fueled, intoxicated, by rain and lust
We danced, unarmoured, to the battlefield
And lay in lost blood and braided bodies.
The early golden glow emphasised my error -
The naked dead, my dead and scarlet hands,
Flushed face and brazen body. Devastation
And lamentation, born of rain and lust.
Author notes
Prompt: Regret (7 lines)
7/7 - I.i
In a list
A contest entry
- Quickie Time by Cyanide Dreams.
950 points, ended May 4, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Favorites! by Haret5.
460 points, ended October 20, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Lovely
Lovely poem. Maybe next time you might want to make a longer one some there will be much more for people to enjoy. Well Done. -
Wow, I really liked this and I am glad someone took a risk with such a small poem. I loved the emotion and power this poem displays and the beautiful imagery. FINALLY, someone doesn't use crimson as a substitute for a red. Scarlet is much better...great job! Yes, you are a semi-finalist! congrats
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Thanks
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In my head I was singing " summer rain " a dance track I love.
Hahaha, a great poem!
Thank you for entering! -
VERY APT ENTRY
Loving the repetition that ends first and last lines.A brief write,wonderful take on the prompt.Thankyou.
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great take on the prompt - creative use of poetic devices. enjoyed it very much. thanks.
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This is an excellent poem...but...I asked in particular for no entries that have won anything previously, which yours has, and so I have to be strict about these rules.
But thanks anyway and good luck in the other contest. -
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It's beyond me how I missed that rule. Maybe I had intended to enter something else and accidentally entered this?
Thanks for reading anyway.
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I'll have to remember -
never dance unarmoured.
It can lead to all kinds of fatal accidents.
Loved your title
Well done on bronze much deserved!
Kari
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Omg i love it!
Im kinda speechless
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Great work! Congratulations on the trophy!
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Fantastic.
The pace of this poem really fits with the theme, its quite 'rushed' from all the punctuation, but then again regrets are usually a result of this! I really ike this piece!!
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this was worthy of the bronze. you just beat me to it!
definitely a thoughtful piece. the fact that you did not have long to write it is telling of your talent and potential. well done. really well done. Emmyb -
I'd say Intoxicated Devistation, Regret is a Battlefield, or Unarmored Regret.... I myself like that last one the best, but that's your choice
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Funny, last one's my favourite too
Thanks a mil
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No Problem. I like giving critiques and helping out. Anything you'd like me to read send me a link via IM and I'd love to read it.
Josh
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Wow! The imagery in this was great. I really liked where you took the prompt. Much deeper and darker than I would have. It fits the song I'm listening to right now too. Your word choice was facsinating, to me, beings as I would never have thought of regret being a battlefield. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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