Mona says
not all trees, but this one
is the hand of an underworld beast who had flown too near its limit
and penetrated the surface of our world
To escape, the monster was forced to sever the limb
which died
and atrophied
She likes to swoon
seated in the branches
and fancy herself a damsel
admired in the palm of a great ape
Mona says
things are sometimes just as they seem
She likes to drink more than she should
In younger years, intoxicants fomented
flights of wild bliss
butterflies of imagination
but lately only bats of paranoia
Mona says
she plans to quit
tomorrow
The waters turn and murmur
The graveyard down by the rising creek
smells like a bait shop
and glistens juicy in the advancing dusk
~~~~~
A contest entry
- picture inspired by Cat.
4500 points, ended May 22, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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You have made me love "Mona" for many years. She, as your speaker, is always on point. She never misses a beat, and there are no hiccups in anything she says.
The image of; "not all trees, but this one
is the hand of an underworld beast who had flown too near its limit
and penetrated the surface of our world" makes me see, in all its vividness, perfectly clear.
I chuckled at the third stanza. My does she ever have an adventurous life! With the mundane that surrounds me, I secretly wish it were me.
Seems my drinking process went on very similar to hers, as mentioned in stanza four.
I quit! I love the last stanza! CONGRATULATIONS ON EARNING THE GOLD CHALICE!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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this be the poem that tranformed me
I'm no loger a sitting duck but a farting duck
got tired of echoeless quacking you see
i just need to find a psychiatric lounge and
terraform its atmosphere
now tell me please how much is the fish
because I sell petunias
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In younger years, intoxicants fomented
flights of wild bliss
butterflies of imagination
but lately only bats of paranoia
Oooh...how I love Mona and the way you can always make her seem so alive to others. This reminded me a little of 'Jane Says'...won't bore you with how many memories that song comes with and this poem seems to slash open...so I'll just say, yeah...another classic from a master.
Sometimes I just don't know whether you bless you or damn you for your talent. lol
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I was thinking of "jane says" when I wrote this.
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Write something new. Please. -
"glistens juicy"... ooh, I love that description. Congratulations ed, more than deserving.
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Too often, tomorrow never comes & brilliance dims far beyond memory's retrieval. This is a luminous piece of po'try. Wild, dangerous & rare...like a lone blue diamond, it shimmers in the shadows. Good luck in Cat's contest. 
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Brilliant. i love this.
The original imagery is amazing-- such a creative, creative idea... which indeed built the image perfectly-
i think you get a little congested in this stanza:
"She likes to drink more than she should
In younger years, intoxicants fomented in her
flights of wild bliss
butterflies of imagination
but lately only rage and confusion
bats of paranoia"
i am in complete disagreement on the word glisten here-- how wonderfully sexy glistens juicy makes the morbid, the dead. love that final stanza.
Great stuff ed.. one of my favorites.
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she sounds like i was in the 80's, full of vim and vigour and life.. now i just listen to the sounds and the trees and the fucking birds
it's all fish and chips and vinegar! ya know
glistens in the dark this one
underneath all the broken stones
yes
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I was always turned on by the girl sitting in King Kong's hand. I do not know why. I think that King Kong remake was the first movie I saw that exposed a breast. That big ape finger rubbing down Jessica Lange's dress.
It was Jessica Lange wasn't it?
Mona says sometimes things are just as they seem.
That is so odd isn't it.
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I had no idea what to expect coming to read this, having just seen the title. wasn't disappointed though.
this was 'moderate' in the sense of... emotional impact, I guess. not overdone. well, until the end anyway. the only problem I had with it is the last line. it stands out as being just what the rest of the poem isn't - dramatic. the 'glistens juicy' thing was a bit over the top, I think.
as a whole, it's enjoyable to read. if you didn't change anything, it'd still be a good poem. -
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hey, what up, q?
It certainly isnt intended to be overly dramatic, that last bit, and I delivered it as deadpan as I thought possible. I'll see what others think, if anyone else ever comments.
hope all is well with you and your'n, dog chow.
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paint me a picture with your words and i will show the canvas in my mind...
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would that mine were similarly sparse of word
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would that my pantaloons were similarly sparse of residue
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wood that.
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