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Swing Set Wings

 

I skipped along to the sounds of carousel dreams and lollipop

Ashes left a trail down to memory lane, a lane that I had hoped

Would be ravished by lightening and I could forget that they ever

Existed, but that was not to happen as my mom called me back

To the old treehouses that were built by hard work and lots of

Time, with which my father gave up freely to show to me that he

Was my immortal hero, even as he drank himself down the tube

In that rusted shot glass of whiskey and hopeless depression, as

The days went by it seemed as if I needed boarding passes just to

Get to the new lands in which my father's brain took him, but I

Would remain sanguined about the situation of my past as I let the

Memories float as I swung alone letting all worries pass me by and

I would not fear for I was letting the freedom cages off my heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Title: Swing Set Wings

Word Bank:
1. Carousel
2. Dreams
3. Treehouses
4. Ravished
5. Immortal
6. Lightening
7. Ash
8. Shot Glass
9. Boarding Passes
10. Sanguine
11. Freedom Cages

Picture: http://fc04.deviantart.com/fs11/i/2006/208/4/2/Swing_by_KittyD.jpg

t e a r s . o f . s i l e n c e

A contest entry

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Comments

  • title 3 /5
    relation to prompt 8/8
    spelling\grammar 5/5
    personal oppinion 9/20
    rythmn 7/12
    imagery 8/20
    emotion 4.5 /10
    Diction 8/10
    Originality 6/10
    58/100

    So I like how you used the wordbank but I think this might do better as a prose poem because its confusing with the way you've capitlized it. The poem flows weird cause you capitilize each sentence, so if you took that out and let whole sentences go together it would sound better. I think you could put more imagery into this to pack a punch with the serious subject. The prompts could be used for so much imagery and emotion and I think you could really craft them in well.
    If decide to rewrite and use any of my ideas, or just do some editing, message me and I'll read it again.
    Thanks for entereing!