Rip

Why do I see this as giving up? A heart attack isn't just someone giving up, yet that is how I see it. I guess if it was my dad, I would feel like he let me down, like he copped out. I don't think I would even go to his funeral. That's horrible of me to say that because I love my dad. He is my hero, I've always looked up to him. I look for people with qualities like his because to me he is the best a person can be.

On death, I think there is nothing you can do but preserve their memory. Keep in high spirits because that is what they would want. Or is it? For those who were taken before their time, what do they think? Would they be bitter, angry? I'm not sure, and there isn't really much I can say because I am really naive about the subject, as many people are. No one can know what the deceased are thinking, or even if they can think? What happens after you die? Is it peaceful or is there nothing. Are we just forgotten, are we reborn again? Death inspires all of these questions and I hate to think we will never know until we too are dead. Maybe the people who are spiritual are happiest because they believe they are going to a better place? But what about the ones who don't think like that? What do they feel before death? Are they calm in their beliefs also?

I just hope that the people its affecting closely are doing OK. I don't think I would fair as well even knowing my dad would want me to be happy that he is going to a better place. But why am I speaking of this as it was my dad who died, when it wasn't? I guess I'm just a selfish creature. In life I hope to accomplish bettering myself by changing into someone less bitter, angry, selfish, and hypocritical. I guess that is going to be my mission in life. I don't want to live like I am now forever, and when I used to think change was a bad thing, I now relish the challenge and hope I am up for it.