Once so young and unaware
Amidst the foaming mountain air
"You're too young... to love, to dare"
And yet our flower bloomed
Stripped away because of sin
Left with fire and passion within
"You're too young for love to win"
and yet our flower bloomed
Then came fall and whisked away
The petals of colors, by wind led astray
"You're too young, too young", they say
Our flower had lost it's bloom
For 15 years the flower stood there
Grasping for the love of the mountain air
But she was gone, too old now to dare
The flower had took its last breath
Then one day, with the sun shining so
The mountain top parted, for the wind to blow
A sprinkle of rain, petals starting to grow
The flower were blooming again.
Embracing the sun, the air, the rain
Letting go of the past, and all of the pain
No one could stop them, no never again
Our flower will always bloom.
Author notes
"I do not know how, yet somehow, impossibly, we are here."
~Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, Hawksong
The true story of first love reunited after 15 years.....
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hello, and thanks for entering my contest.
This was a nice write, and definitely heartfelt. It flowed well for the most part, although I had a little bit of trouble with the rhythm in some places. Namely, stanzas 4 & 5.
I also spotted some errors:
line 11: "You're too young, too young",
the comma should be inside the quotation marks.
line 12: lost it's bloom
it's -> its
line 20: The flower were
flower->flowers OR were-> was
Overall I think your poem is pretty generic among love poetry, but it's very optimistic and has lovely compelling imagery of nature, which are qualities I like. I do suggest you fix the errors, though.
Good luck to you.
~Sparrow
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