Thinking about me
Asking about me
That's what I hear
Don't know what to think
Don't even know how to speak
I glanced your way
with her today
pain sparked inside
the old love I had to hide
she'd take my place
and our love would be without a trace
I threw it all away
I should have stayed
I remember the way you held me
the way you smelled
your smile
the way it lasted for a while
how it felt so right
even when we snuck away at night
The love you betray
not much I can say
I left
this is such a theft
that heart she stole from me
too much I need to be
When she took your heart from me
Everything was different
Just need to be distant
Shouldn't have set your heart free
Why'd you let me throw it away
Why'd you let me throw it away
Why'd I give it all up? I should have stayed.
A contest entry
- Music inspired poetry. All welcome...HOWEVER!!! by Progandother.
1100 points, ended June 8, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do all of you suggest I change?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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...schllooo...the plain white t's are a niche cup of tea...
...I love it when people force me to listen to stuff I usually poo poo instantly...makes me a better person after all...
...I can clearly see the context derived from this song (about someone taking the place of you in an old relationship) but what's more I like the amount of different poetry techniques you have used in each stanza...the delayed triadic structure of "the way" in the second stanza is also a stand out to me...because I'm a sucker for triadic structures...the varying sizes in the stanzas also works around the AABB rhyming scheme as it seems to build up in the fact that emotions confuse our ideas on how to think straight even in the simplest of situations...
...very well done...good luck in the contest...
Oliver
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Alrightyyy(:
This was one of the first contests I entered in so I was hoping I'd do all right.
(:
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I glanced your way
with her today
pain sparked inside
the old love I had to hide
I remember the way you held me
the way you smelled
your smile
the way it lasted for a while
how it felt so right
even when we snuck away at night
wow. you can rhyme? thats crazy.
i cant rhyme for my lifeeee.
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lOlz.
You'd be amazed how much time i spent trying to get it to rhyme!
I just really felt i needed to...
ended up taking me foreverr
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This is so cute...
I've actually never heard this song before, and now I love it :]
Great job on this. :]
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