he longs to recall
innocence a time before
when he slid through nimbus
hopes on smooth white wings
before the sky fell crashing
twisted frames of light
before radiating refresh
rates dulled his retinas
it weighs on his chest
a crushing shadow of loss
an emptiness an urge to
realize stolen potential
a quiet rage stoked in the
depths of ransacked moments
each day he sees his life
taken slowly sipped away
and now his limbs begin to
tremble palsied graying skin
there will be no life to flash
before his lids in the end
for he died long ago when
all he lived for fell struck
from a sky full of dreams
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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that was really realy good, it makes you think and any form of writng that makes you think is the best kind of writing, if you don't have to think than the author didn't try hard enough they just slapped words on a piece of paper. you are an excellent writer
~ Strwaberrice-cream -
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Well, I'm afraid to admit that in the case of this poem I pretty much just slapped the words on a piece of paper (or the screen, as luck would have it). But, I'm glad you enjoyed. If you liked this one, than there's a good chance you'd enjoy some of my more serious efforts, too.
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Maybe it's just me, but it really got me that stanzas 3 and 4 I believe both started with the word "before"
Could just be my mid morning crabbiness kicking in. But wow, as for the rest of it? Very good work.
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Rhetorical emphasis.
Though some teachers of poetry will tell you never, ever, ever to use the same word twice in a poem, I'm not a proscriptive poet. I'm happy to reuse words if doing so can bring new or deeper meaning to the poem.
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A splendid stage of one's feelings. I too have felt this not so long ago. The rhetoric melancholy is poetically delivered in full. A feeling that will only be expressed through free verse style.
Yes, we use to feel this and for those who haven't felt this will someday feel the hush of a shaded gray in dreams.
All in all, nicely written and I personally expect no less. Sir, thanks for sharing your work.
Hensley
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You seem to have an idea what inspired this poem. I've been suffering from feelings of something--inadequacy?--for some time now. This has been powerfully impacting and undermining my creative process. But I'm also determined. I'll write and post even if I've determined that everything I write is crap. In the end, my intellectual progeny will decide.
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keep it coming i like it alot
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Thanks!
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This is great, shorter, and a bit easier to understand then some of the other ones I have read from you. I love it.
Best regards,
Mitchell
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Glad you liked. A lot of my recent posts have been shorter. Has it been awhile?
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Superb Plus
'tis a fine write, indeed. Your imagery is most excellent. I like it just the way it is. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
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Glad you enjoyed! Yes I think it's going to stay about as it is.
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your presentation of this poem
is superb...the background gives
perfect 'atmosphere' to this well-crafted
piece of poetry. I so do love reading you.
Lane
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Ah the background is something I'm going to have to "fix" at some point. It became somewhat obsolete during one of Kevin's many "upgrades" to this site. Maybe I'll take care of that soonish. My most recent post uses an updated background image that doesn't have the sidebar "ribbon" effect caused by Kevin's... Horsing around.
I used to be very active on this site, but it was Kev's horsing around that eventually drove me into the shadows. Now I only post here and maintain this account as a sort of portfolio of my work.
Glad you enjoyed the write, Dalaney. I've enjoyed your occasional comments throughout the years.
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Lost dreams
"each day he sees his life
taken slowly sipped away"
This reminds me of dad.
"an emptiness an urge to
realize stolen potential"
I feel as if this someone who didn't take opportunities when they should have..or they never got their opportunity..i would like to know your inspiration for this..
As always great imagery, and although I am sure it is intentional I can't really tell what the goal is.
Kay
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Or who wasn't able to take opportunities for lack of resources, time and energy.
The subtext of the poem is intentionally recondite, obscure. But it shouldn't be impossible to figure out.
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I could bask within these words for quite some time...the imagery and impact they brought are something to be reckoned. Well done.
-E
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This poem may turn out to be the pivotal point of my path as a poet.
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