You fill my mind with soft and warming glow
With each fleeting touch we tend to share
A feeling that I often sought to know
But found quite sadly to be somehow rare
Your presence brings me joyous peace alone
And laughter that expounds into the night
Radiance that only stars have shown
Drifting off into a dawning sight
Your voice echoes through my chambered heart
And brings me to a state of wistful dream
Of a loving, longing music’s part
In some life’s somber, glinting gleam
Tis a pity that we have not been
And a blessing that we could begin
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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are u sure ur only 16 cuz dat is a beautiful piece n i wish u wud giv a title a sonnet such as dat needs 2 breath its own name, excellent job!
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o i like this.are you not proud of it? i feel the writing in this is very well done, it flows in the same manner as a tradiontional sonnet. I like it
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I too have just begun writing sonnets and was actually putting mine under shameless when I noticed yours.
I like the poem a lot thought some lines the meter was a drop off. I took the liberty to play with the lines to give them each 10 syllables and tweak the meter where it seemed off. Feel free to utilize or ignore the suggestions
Consider:
"With every fleeting touch we love to share"
"A radiance that only stars have shown"
"To set adrift into a dawning sight"
"Your voice rings strong throughout my chambered heart"
"A place of loving, longing music’s part"
"In some life’s sometimes somber, glinting gleam"
"Tis such a pity that we have not been"
"And quite the blessing that we could begin"
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i like this a lot actually. soft'd didn't quite fit somehow and the flow needs to be worked on, but other than that, a really cute, but also at the same time structured and beautiful poem. nice work x
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