Crushing

I feel as if something is coming my way
bringing a great emotional wave
shattering me
I am crushed~crushed like once before.
Abandoned, unwanted, rejected.
That sense of being

of being held so carelessly
tossed out with the garbage
easily disposed of after use
as if it were an object of no value

I hold my breath - and wait
afraid to exhale

I've been crushed before
ruined  in the rubble
That crushing brought me to Christ
That same tremor is in me

within my soul...quaking
I'm sensing another crushing
shattering upheaval within me
A BIG ONE

it will be like a domino effect
reaching far back and deep
deeper into the core
this is seizmic....massive ....scary

necessary

a long time recovery a long time healing
not reformation .....but transformation
I may even vomit as the residual chunks
spew forth I am  gagging and trembling

heaving and wretching
pausing as the bitter bile passes
then....the foamy empty aftermath
then...the settling ....the soreness

aversion to anything filling the soul
not desiring    or hungering  just spent
waiting for the moment to come
in the waiting  being opened

and open for    something new
for what GOD has to give  to heal
to feed and nurture ......once before
Christ The Son      Now GOD  The Father
in this one to restore