I went through my own Vietnam
a secret Vietnam
and the effects
still bruise me visibly
still cause my hand to shake
visibly
with her every incidental cry,
I flinch,
flinch so horribly inside
and I feel it all over again.
the
cryingwhythecrying?neverawhyforthecryingjustthecrying
I remember the oily grip on my sanity
the slip and slide in my fingers
I remember the despair,
the woman's fear
that maybe something bestial-I-broken-be
that maybe,
I don't love my child (deep breath, I do)
And though things are better now,
even good now,
when she tosses in the crib at night
when she calls out, so innocently, so sincerely,
I close my eyes,
and I see minefields.
Author notes
Nights with a newborn are rough.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i think that what you were feeling here is absolutely normal. Of course, I don't have children... so I don't know. Just think.
Well, I do know that the nights will get better.
I like how you compare this constant getting up, not understanding why, to a war... and minefields. very interesting metaphor.
:-)
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terrific
this is a nice write
it reminded me of a song by Pink called "My Vietnam". the last two stanzas were the most powerful in my opinion, the last two lines were awesome, more specifically! we all go through times with great challenges, and we wonder when things will be better, and how to get through the days. But after reading your author page, you have definitely been through some difficult battles and i applaud your bravery to write openly about your feelings. 
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