Your translucent silhouette still lingers
between 1500 thread count Egyptian sheets
where slow whispers echo all too clear.
When wind blows through open California shutters,
your heated breath dances across my cold skin.
I have never stopped feeling your heart beat-
it lives on with constant pounding in my head,
still aching for something no longer tangible.
The dreams left, taunting me-
vignettes played out of the future
you promised.
Your premature departure
left me with unanswered questions:
Where do I go from here?
Who am I supposed to be now?
You are my favourite part of who
I have become-
I can never let that part of me go.
Author notes
prompt: haunted
female POV
M a t t E . S m i t h
A contest entry
- Haunted...By Dalaney by Dalaney.
2000 points, ended May 21, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the static rounds: audition. show me what you've got. by decode.
1070 points, ended June 21, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE CONTEST for my two groups. Friends of Trekkergirl and The Group of life by trekkergirl.
900 points, ended July 16, 80 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 73 of 73
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again, so amazing.
you hath a gift!
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It definitely has the emotion of a woman
Not that men are not emotional, but you get the point. It is also very touching, moving poetry 
I LIKE IT
Allll of it! I cannot even decide on a favourite part 
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This is an excellent write. I love the words you used. They were very full of description and emotions. I liked this very much. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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"I have never stopped feeling your heart beat...."
What impresses and moves me in poetry is not a piece packed with ten-million dollar words, but the simple, beautiful, 'real' words of a simple, beautiful, and real heart. I could wrap myself in this poem. Not only is it haunting, but it is also a poem that can be identified with. "I have never stopped feeling your heart beat..." How many of us have thought these same words, felt them, clung to them? Truly a superb write.
Love, Lane
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yes.
thanks for auditioning. -
a good piece of poetry which flows smoothly, love is a beach at tims, the sand just moves away from our toes. thanks for entering.
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hell yes.
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yes
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yes
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umm yes!
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I have already commented, I believe. A nice piece. The misery is haunting,
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Oh so sad, i am ever so sorry.
thank you for sharing -
This is perhaps the most beautiful and heartfelt piece I have had the privelege to read here for a while. Hauntingly, achingly beautiful. You can be proud of a job well done. Thank you for sharing this most excellent work.
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Cool poem
cool poem -
put me into tears
I just lost someone whom I have known for thirteen years. He was a second father to me, granted I lost mine nine years ago. I came down to Floirda to help him and I spent the last three weeks of his life with him. This wonderfully written poem just put me into tears. I sit here alone in this house that now remaing empty and the memories always remain. I love the poem so much. No matter who you lose or how you lose them there is always gonna be a part of them with you. The one thing I learned is no matter how many times you lose someone, it never gets easier and it never hurts less. Please, keep up the excellent touching work you do. I would love to read more in the future. Thanks for sharing this write.
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This is stunning!!!
This touched my heart and my soul.
Clearly a beautiful write.
Thank you so much for this very lovely poem.
Best
Love Peace
campanaro
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moving, passionate
this poem is so well written, the way you use detail to convey your emotion, the reader can feel your pain and loss just through reading it. very brilliant work, I am sorry for your loss, keep writing the strongest emotions make better poets of us all.
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haunted...yes, definitely. People touch our lives in so many different ways. I truly believe we learn something from everyone we meet. Loved the ending. Enjoyed
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Yeah, I know this one, only tooooo well! Just this morning in fact, I looked down the hall, for some reason, and could swear I saw my angel love standing there......
"You are my favourite part of who
I have become-
I can never let that part of me go."
What a perfect ending!!!!
You really captured this feeling quite well in this one! I love it!
Best of luck in this contest!
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"You are my favourite part of who
I have become-
I can never let that part of me go."
i love the ending! You wrote well from the opposite perspective. There are areas of this that i'd tighten up a little & i'd personally take those questions out (i'm not keen on questions in poetry) but overall, it's a good write.
Laura
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Beautifully penned! I'm impressed; you have taken the prompt and turned it into a masterpiece of fluid imagery. Bravo!
Love,
Amera
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That was amazing and so beautiful...
It sent shivers down my spine, i can relate to it so much and yet it is still it has some thing about it that is mistifying.
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OOOO, good and ghostly..
To me this seemed like one being haunted
by a loved one who has passed on.
I could feel the emotion behind this.
This was an amazing piece of poetry.
Congrats on the spotlight!
-Mandi
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how beautiful!
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Deep ghostly
Sorry for your loss
embrace unforgotten moments
It's better to have known than
never known at all
Well done poet
Thanks for the share
Darky
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Santa would be proud!
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This is a stunning write, and the beauty is in the small details. I did not really see why this had to be one gender over the other, as the emotions are universal. (It did seem to be the pain that comes from from a loved one passes on; a stronger emotional feeling than a break-up, but that was just to me.)
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yeah, that is what this was supposed to be about (a loved one passing on). I added that to my authors notes because when I was writing this I was thinking of a woman who had been through that. thank you for the comment
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I was reading some of the comments and I got the feeling people thought it was about a break-up, which may have lead me in that direction. I think it captures the feeling of loss really well, and can see why it is one of the most popular poems this week.
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i guess that's the beauty of poetry...everyone can take something different from the same thing
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funny, until i read the AN i thought a man's perpective, i think either one can work with the beautiufully wrriten words you have laid on this page. a truly fantastic write. great job!
-Kat
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Such a beautiful but desolate piece you have here. For writing in a female perspective it is wonderful. Simply amazing, all I can say.
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Very unique, if I do say so myself.
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A beautiful piece of writing that wrapped itself around my feelings very well. Excellent...mal
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Matt, this is incredible! You never cease to amaze me. I honestly thought this was written from experience, not imagination. Nobody would know if you didn't say "I tried to write this from a woman's voice" - I'd never have guessed that you didn't live this every day.
Or maybe you do in a way?
The little details ("1500 thread count Egyptian sheets") really made this poem that much more raw and powerful.
Sigh.... you're turning into one of the best poets on this site. Keep this up and I'll be reading you in literay journals.
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Well, i tried to put myself in someone elses mindset when I wrote this but anyone who has gone through any kind of heartbreak could probably relate aspects of it to themselves.
That means a lot coming from you, since I think you ARE one of the best on the site. thank you
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You did a wonderful job.
Thank you... blushing... you're too sweet
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I didn't hear a woman's voice, haunted and genderless to me. Very sad to lose someone you love in any guise. Well done Matt.
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wow. this was very good. It was sad and the emotion was strong. I felt like I was going to cry. Great job.
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this is a sad poem however i enjoyed the read take care
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You are so right! those haunting memories come around when we are lying there awake. I love the imagery of the wind through California shutters, a hot breath that chills.
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Ah, neat and highly spooky and poignant stuff here, well done building mystery and a good sense of almost-known... fine write here!
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interesting...
it can be a real challenge in swapping roles when writing...but hitting the mark like you have makes for a real sweet success. great job here. good luck with your contest entry. peace always in ALL ways...
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Awesome
This has the feeling wrapped up in all that both men and women feel when deserted and left alone with no reason for why.......it touched me...a great write!
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This story is what "poetry" is supposed to be about but all of us souls are supposed to learn from ALL perspectives, aren't we?
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5*
Really felt it man, great job -
You described it so well, with a great choice of words.
It was beautiful.
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I Feel Ur Pain
I feel ur pain only in girl form and i would be talking about my boyfriend when he breakes up with me i understand what ur going through i have been there and ur poem touched me in a place that doesn't even beat
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Great job in capturing the prompt.
~~Your premature departure
left me with unanswered questions:
Where do I go from here?
Who am I supposed to be now?~~
Really good.
Joe
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Definately creates a feeling of loneliness, helplessness and emptyness. Very well written, best of luck in your contest.
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I'm glad I clicked on this. An outstanding write of lost love. This melancholy write was held poised in perfection the whole way through. It is sad, yet soft; reflective and emotional. All the ingredients are there in perfect proportion, and thus you have a beautiful poem to treasure.
My favourite lines are "You are my favourite part of who/I have become-" and I also like the openning reference to the thread count in the cotton sheets.
Well done and a pleasure to read...alby
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This is so hauntingly beautiful. From a womans standpoint, I must say you surely did a fine job! I loved the word choices and the unanswered questions.... bravo is all I can utter...
becca
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'Your premature departure
left me with unanswered questions:
Where do I go from here?
Who am I supposed to be now?
You are my favourite part of who
I have become-
I can never let that part of me go.'
-That is just so beautiful.
I loved the whole thing, but those lines were especially my favorite.
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that is acctual true
it beautiful and depressing
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wow.
i really don't mind what voice this was written in. it was stunning.
you my friend, in a matter of ten-fifteen minute have become someone i enjoy to read.
i love your detail.
it is so poignant and disturbing.
-Your translucent silhouette still lingers
between 1500 thread count Egyptian sheets
where slow whispers echo all too clear.- i think it is safe to say this is my favourite line although i adored the whole poem.
wow.
this was really comforting, i now want to go take a nap.
good luck in the contest.
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Super cool, bittersweet and awesome...Excellent take on the prompt.
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beautiful and so rich..i was told this write is powerful,and it is, i am blessed to have come by and read.
Blessings
Rend
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I like this... you write very well my friend. I like the emotions that you used. I also liked the the imagery... and I liked the ending very much. How your love was the best part and that you can never let it go. Great job.
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ok... now...
i really dont know where to start with this. there is so much i want to say (ya.. something new
) i already told you it's one of my favorites... i think because when i read this, it is like taking your words and wrapping them around me for comfort.... and believe me, the words in this poem deliver that.
the feel of having someone beside me when i sleep makes me smile, but in this, it has a loneliness to it, a sadness. the warm air brushing over my body letting it make me feel alive again still lingers in my thoughts... well, not MY body, but the body in the poem. that breeze is like it lets me know i am not alone.
it's the times that we feel a presence of someone we love, that we can ache for them to be here, hurt that they can't be, yet feel secure in knowing that death doesn't change love... that love will always be there. and THAT is the part that can't and shouldn't be let go of.
you did a wonderful job writing it from the female perspective, but it is the masculine softness of your way of writing that makes this poem come alive for me... maybe its just me... but i love it! LOVE IT!
absolutely breathtaking, matt.
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where do i begin... just glad i waited to comment so i could say... everyone before me pretty much said everything i was going to. saved me alot of writing.
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I absolutely love lines 12 - 17!!! I was working on something earlier and this expresses what I tried to convey to a "T". "Premature departure" and "who am i suppose to be now", extrodinary wording! Although mine was about death, lost love can cause the same sense of hopelessness. Thanks for sharing!
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you have certainly captured the woman's voice quite well. i love most of it...you've done it, once again.
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wow.. this is hauntingly beautiful... i wish i had more words but i just don't... i am rendered speechless... this is truly just amazing.
Bravo
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Wow Matt, this is truly, truly beautiful and reminded me of so many dark moments in my own life. I have no honest critique here except L18. I think you can end it with stronger words, but I love L16-17 and I think that's why I was so disappointed by L18. I was expecting you to really hammer it home. I just got done reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch and the idea of hot California wind has been heavy on my mind. I love it as a metaphor for breath. Thank you for sharing this with us. Keep writing and be well!
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thank you for the comment
do you have any suggestions for the ending? i personally thought it was a strong ending that tied the piece together but i am open to suggestions
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This is great...and from a man?
I thought only women wrote this kind of poetry
(kidding)
The emotion is so tangible even though her love is not. Very good. -
Such tender words so eloquently spoken. Outstanding and mesmerizing piece. How we feel when someone is such a great part of us that we just can't let them go, such love, such beauty.
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My humble opinion is that you merely subtracted use of perspective by sex completely, rather than transfered from male to female. You did however stun me with a fantastic write.
Bravo.
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Well, hell Matt....
I do believe I'll try to spotlight this...
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I wanted to say that it's definitely from a woman's angle, the attention paid to detail here, but you do that yourself already. The wind through the shutters and the feel of the breath on her skin is in perfect accordance with a ghost like feel.Such a dream like quality to it.
I love the reference to the person she's become because of him. So often we do that~~ grow in another person's light.
Great job on this.. loved it.
S.
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this was really good
good luck in the contest -
Brave!
I think the fact that you tried to write this from a woman's point of view is very brave. It shows that you want to capture all angles of poetry. "Your premature departure
left me with unaswered questions:" This is so true for everyone. Nicely done
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i like the last 3 lines
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