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[ I don't want to do it ]

I don't want to do it
I don't want to get on my knees
I'm scared of him

I don't want to do it
I don't want to do what he says
But I know I must

I don't want to feel
I don't want to feel the pain as I kneel
I have no choice

I don't want to feel
I don't want to feel it eating into my knees
Its too much to bare

I don't want to hear
I don't want to hear him tell me I'm not her
I can't block my ears

I don't want to hear
I don't want to hear him hate me
Its hard not to

I don't want to smell
I don't want to smell the alcohol on his breath
I don't dare turn away

I don't want to smell
I don't want to smell the unwashed scent of him
I can't hold my breath

I don't want to see
I don't want to see him glaring at me
I'm not allowed to blink

I don't want to see
I don't want to see the disappointment on his face
I see it everyday

I don't want to taste
I don't want to taste the tears on my face
I bite my lip

I don't want to taste
I don't want to taste the blood in my mouth
I swallow my pride

I don't want to be here
I don't want to be here without my Mama
But she's gone

I don't want to be guilty
I don't want to be guilty of making her stay with God
Its too late now

I don't want to be kneeling
I don't want to be kneeling on the grits
I have no choice

I don't want to be a child
I don't want to be a child in this world full of pain
But I am.

*Mikael- Australia*

Author notes

I watched a movie today and the main character was a girl, at the start of the movie she killed her Mum by accident. The gun she was holding went off. Her dad Found her in the orchid with some of her Mum's things and made her kneel on the grits. I put myself in her position and tried to write about how it would feel as a young child being punished by the one person that is meant to love you in that torturous way.

When someone is told to do 'the grits' its basically kneeling on rock salt, which then eats into your skin. Thought I'd clear that up.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    June 15, 2009

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    how very sad to read. thank you for sharing this with me today and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that we both have entered. viyanna rosemarie


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    June 13, 2009

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    65 for Write
    00 for Quotation
    25 bonus for name and country
    12 for title
    Great Write.
    it was wonderfully done but you forgot quote
    and I have sent 5 notices
    can't help more
    anyway
    thanks for entering

    Out of 250 You have Achieved 102

    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • green mother rose
    May 2, 2009

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    i like this .. id hate to be that lil gurl... and its sad that children would ever be treated in this way ever... but its out there.


  • lesliemargaret
    May 1, 2009
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    was the moive "the secert life of bees"?