they buried Mercy
close to home
after Winter in a make-shift crypt,
in some godforsakencowpasturetown
about a hundred years ago
one would think
rumors and a looming tree
would overhang gray stone
keeping a gal's cold bones company
when it's been that long, but
Mercy's got a pile of pennies
settled on top
of where her face might have been
the new girl felt a "presence"
inside some cheesy bar
we threw back margaritas in
i roll my eyes and ask,
"s'pose you know 'bout Mercy too?"
while my brain wraps around
a to-do list for Sunday
when white buckets settle by the bedside
and words fly out like bad food
as to "why the damn pennies?!" -
i figure
that longdeadvampgirl has eyes
weighted down with pocket change
to keep 'em from rolling like mine
and toss a few quarters in
just for the cause
Author notes
Mercy was buried after a Winter in a crypt where her body was extremely delayed with rigamortis. Something about the Winter that year and how the body didn't decompose the way they expected brought out tales of her as a vampire. People still travel from all around to leave her tokens on her grave (mostly pennies) as a respect symbol.
A contest entry
- picture inspired by Cat.
4500 points, ended May 22, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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this has a blair witch feel to it.. which is quite cool.. love that you found something haunting to write for this contest-
i love the first two stanzas
i think the poem gets a tad bogged in itself after that.. maybe too wordy?... without the author notes i'm not sure i would have followed it
but that said kimmie.. i think it is worth the revisions and effort.. thanks so much
mary
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a bit better?
I'm sure it could use a bit more of a nip and tuck -- but the scissors are settled for now while I let it sit in the mind to give it another go over another time.
thanks for the critique and worthwhile edit comment
Kim -
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yeah. the in after margaritas stands out suspiciously.
still not sure the story works completely... i think partly because of the to do list and white buckets.. they seem random and sort of break the momentum
yes, i think that is it...
yep.
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really a very cool telling of an urban legend. i love this.
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I love the way you tell this tale...Mercy probably never realised how so-called famous she'd become after death. lol. Excellent penning
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this is really good and interesting, legends most have a basis in fact, then the ideas grow with time and imagination; but those feelings...those are worth paying attention...excellent...PK
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lost tales and mirrors of life
lovely tale of a forgotten lady, winter and death are
company.. somehow she's immortalized by peoples
superstitions ..the coins add to all the mystery of this
ill fated lady ...inspiring
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Brilliant...We have the Resurrection Mary case here in Illinois...I love these stories...Well done
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I'm going to have to google your "mary case" now...
see what ya' did?!
Thanks a million, Vito.
Raining here... I hope the sun is out where you are to enjoy the best of the weekend.
Kim
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I loved the first three lines of your second stanza muchly, Kim...Yeahhh, eyes WOULD roll at such nonsense, methinks. Poor ol' Mercy...I hope she shows some mercy to the foolishness that has been wrought in her name. A grand penning, my Friend. Good luck in Mary's contest, Sweetie.
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I'm so glad the humor lines weren't lost on this one. You know how that goes where our tone of cynicism is lost and goes right out the window.
Thanks so much for stopping by and the kind words - and letting me know you "got it" totally!
Kim
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What a poem to read when one's mind is fuzzy at 2:00 a.m. in the morning! After I stop shivering, I think about the pennies, wishing-well tokens maybe, like those in a fountain--those Lincolns on her grave. He came to a sad end... ironic her name being "Mercy" and his face coming to rest on hers.
Good grief, Girl! A wonderful ghost story, dear Poetess. And they say the dead don't talk! Such whispers....
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so good to see you here Kaen...
catching up to do. please send me mail on here to let me know how things are going.
as for the poem, your words are always so kind and have me thinking I did better than I hoped for... I can't thank you enough.
much luv'n hugs...
Kim
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You get outside yourself with describing a situation in a well written poetic/narrative way. You make the characters come alive with a mix of dialogue and description. There is a gentleness to your drawing out of the story. There is an empathy to your writing that is Zen-Like or so charitable as to verge on spiritual. I really like this.
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irony... dialogues is most always my latter choice in writing anything, but this one (being an actual event) helped itself with bringing it forth. I'm so glad that you found that it worked. knowing me, it likely still be a bit tighter but I can't seem to get past those few extra words that jump in there and hold tight within the verses with ("don't you dare remove me!"
really though, thanks again - tons!
Kim
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"make-shift crypt"... what a phrase
sug: spell out one hundred?
second verse... really intriguing
hmmmm...
and this "Mercy's got a pile of pennies
settled on top" so cool
all good betweens
and those last three stanzas
really made me smile
i aint even looked at tha pic yet.....
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i'd have to let her win... i don't have the ambition to push with a pinkie even..
doesn't sound too good, huh? lol
i at least use alliteration with self-deprecating humor. -
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"self-deprecating humor"
i do that all the time
hmmm...
i don't have many friends
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I debated the 100 v. hundred... hmmm... a coin toss, but will likely change..
thx! -
it was all i could do to only muster up a small amount of sarcasm when i offered the quarters...
it was more like, "I'm sure Mercy is saying - don't be so cheap and toss me a quarter, Bitch"... to all of those that keep leaving her pennies...
but I think that girl would have smacked me hard... -
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like a wishing well
if you want your wishes to come true
you'd better damn well start throwing
some big chunks of change -
oh yea,,, cat fight
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Great story!
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thanks so much for reading and the compliment.
Kim
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wow, what a story ... very compelling ! enjoyed muchly.
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thanks a million, Steve.
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Loved the story here, Kim and the way you've presented it with the focus on the eyes, especially the ending. It's wonderful when folklore and tales like these are "honoured" through poetry. Something timeless about this poem.
~ Nicolette
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thanks so much Nicolette.
good to see you. hope you're doing as good as ever.
Kim
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