My Dear Soldier~
Like the Lunar Moth who comes out only at night,
your longing for me arises.
Out of your poet’s soul comes
the wistful, ever-present but hidden
Thunder
of dust-shimmering wings,
seen briefly, reflecting the moon.
On hunger you sup.
You withhold from yourself that
which would fulfill all your desires.
The bright dancing flame is for those others,
those who seek the bright flashing brilliances
which overcome them to their doom.
You seek other engagements.
You require the nourishment
than only comes from my nectar—
the ambrosial feast
that anoints your awe.
The volcano’s molten eruption,
not yours to seek outright,
can only be gained by following
the sweet scent of my moisture
to its source.
Shimmer your way on over here, my Moth.
Fly brightly to my blossoms and feed.
Your yearning hunger cannot be satisfied, else.
The food that feeds that artist’s soul of yours
comes only in rare quantities,
from precious blossoms whose petals rarely see
the light of day.
My petals are open, on display,
glimmering in sun’s reflected rays,
arrayed for all to see.
Many think I hold only simple sugars,
a quick fix, a burst of energy,
then gone.
They do not see the well, the deep
wellspring of Spirit from which
my nectar is continuously refreshed.
My light shines radiantly, continuously,
while others burn brightly and become
ash.
Turn away from the harsh rays of sun—
they only serve to desiccate you.
Your sole soul satisfaction lies
within the swirl of my embrasure.
Will you finally yield this night,
and overmaster your innermost longings?
Or will you once again watch as
this Night Glory folds away
her beauty and awaits
the return of the stars?
There is only one way to appease
the hunger that gnaws at your belly:
Come to me, Lover,
before the dawn breaks upon me
and I am gone.
Author notes
Quote prompt: “Often the best way to overcome desires is to satisfy it.” ~W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), The Razor’s Edge, 1943.
Image: Morning Glory by Wild Soul
2009 April 30
In a list
- SERIES: Dear Soldier Boy (He whom I cannot have) • next in list
- AWARDS: Bronze • next in list
- OVW Anthology • next in list
A contest entry
- The best way to overcome desire is to satisfy it. by shiratikva.
1500 points, ended May 12, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All polite and critical commentary welcome.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Wow, this was really good. Great emotion and imagery in this piece. Your word choice is so simple, yet it brings out true meanins and flows so nicely. The meatphors in this are used quite well and never strayed from its true meaning. Beautiful. Great job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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Thank you very much.
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Dripping with metaphor and succulent imagery. Sorry for any confusion in my contest notes that led to more than one entry by the inspiring shiratikva but let it be an honor to you both, nontheless. Thank you.
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It was and still is an honour, though the earlier poet's selection and submission precludes mine. Thanks for the read and your wonderful feedback.
And good luck with the contest. I look forward to reading some of the entries. One of them is already on my "best of the best" list.
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I love your use of the metaphor of the Morning Glory and lunar moth here, just lovely. Beautiful imagery
KW~
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Thank you very much. It was a pleasure to write.
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How lucky are we that you share these precious, personal feelings without fear? You have some really great lines and imagery. I felt magic and beauty echoing throughout!
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Thank you, sweet one. It is my honor and privilege to reveal what is inside. Thanks for your feedback, praise, and encouragement.
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Another interesting addition to the ongoing saga. Thank you for sharing with The Blue Lamp ~Pamela
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Thanks!
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It's such a beautiful piece!
I enjoyed reading this. Lovely and very poetic.
my favorite lines:
"The volcano’s molten eruption,
not yours to seek outright,
can only be gained by following
the sweet scent of my moisture
to its source".
Well done,
thank you for entering, good luck! -
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Thank you very much!
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Oh my, what a wonderful story you present in this lovely and touching piece! The poetic language throughout elevates me as the reader to starry climes.
I particularly enjoyed the way you began with;
"Like the Lunar Moth who comes out only at night,
your longing for me arises.
And completed the poem with;
"Come to me, Lover,
before the dawn breaks upon me
and I am gone."
Everything in between in your story dances beautifully from that beginning to the end.
In this section;
"On hunger you sup. Hunger,
for you withhold from yourself that
which would fulfill all your desires."
I think simply removing the word "for" in the second line and perhaps adding a comma after "yourself" would create a smoother flow but then I am a child with punctuation, instinctive rather than expert as you my mentor well know.
Loved the reading of this beauty!
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Thank you, dear one.
Your instict for punctuation may still need some education, however your instict for poetic voice does not. That makes two votes for the removal of "for" from that stanza. After receiving this dual feedback and sleeping on it, I have revised that stanza so that hopefully my meaning has become more clear. I do tend to overuse those transitional words like and, of, but, so, thus. *sigh* One is continuing to learn.
Thank you for your appreciation and for your detailed commentary. Both were helpful.
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These are beautiful word of longing; I like the metaphor of the moth throwing itself at the brighter lights forsaking what is offered as it is so often the case with love or desire.
To me L2 and L9 would read stronger without the "so" and "for" as the connection seems obvious. Also, the repetition of "only" in S8 was a bit much.
A wonderful look into the dance of these lives.
ken
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Thank you, Ken, for the look-see, the words of appreciation, and the feedback. I have refined my piece based on your suggestions. I wasn't sure how I could change L9. If I removed "for", it seems to me I would end up with:
On hunger you sup. Hunger. (or semi-colon)
You withhold from yourself that
which would fulfill all your desires.
This seems too strong a stop in the flow. If I instead did:
On hunger you sup. (or: You sup on hunger.)
You withhold from yourself that
which would fulfill all your desires.
Either modification seems to weaken this stanza. I will therefore ponder on it for a bit.
Thanks for the criticism. It is much appreciated!
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ahhh
this is lovely! i like the its softness. my favorite stanza is the fourth!! but the whole is very tender and well said!! thanks for the invite to read this lover's call. it was interesting in the 10th stanza that you wrote of how others may view your affections. and the stanza following was gorgeous as well!
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Thank you for the compliments and for the details of your reply. Thanks for coming by to read.
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