Bleeding Out

No matter the words that follow just
remember theres a lot of love in the heart of me
but back not too long ago, life just seemed too hard for me.
My baby girl just didn't feel like she was a part of me,
and all I knew was that she was apart from me, so far from me.
I sat so long analyzing the scars in me...drawn in time.
I just wanted to sleep...I would long for dying
sometimes the tears wouldnt materialize, but I was crying
I was dying.
I'd sit and just think what above the sink could make heart beats sink
such thoughts are hard to think but I was on the brink.
Could my meds in excess help me reach suc-cess
I felt loveless but by no means was I loved less, I was a crushed mess.
but regardless of my thoughts I couldn't bring myself
to threaten my health, to murder my self.
I thought of the knife across my wrists, but vertically
Horizontally would just have hurt me...hurted me.
I even talked to God...excuse me sir have you heard of me.
He's God so I guess so but I couldn't have said with certainty.
I felt I could have blamed him for cursing me, could it have got worse for me?
Of course it could be but my mind brought me to places I could only describe as hell.
I knew I could make it better but my mind couldn't tell.
I felt if I was built back up I would'a fell.
These words never left my throat, but over the years I vented...I wrote
I was worried that everyone around me could see my hell when I spoke.
I couldn't let anyone see me weakened and broke, smashed like glass
from every moment in time back through my past. I fought tears when I laughed, I saw death with my eyes closed and every poem I wrote was suicidal prose
and what it all comes down to is I couldn't let my fam see what I chose
that I'd rather sleep endlessly...just let my eyes close.

I've seen an Angel.
My savior came as girl,
with pigtails and drooly kisses.
she's everything my heart loves
and my mind misses.
When she looks at me and calls me daddy
and says something funny.
Everything she is tells me she loves me
she kisses and she hugs me, I couldn't do it without her.
I love everything about her.
She saved my life...She saved my life.
I love you Mini Me