Deep in the night, the moonlight creeps,
Sleep still eludes me, as twilight peeps,
I think of you, every time I close my eyes,
And my tears are like rain from the skies.
I say your name with every beat of my heart,
How I miss you; we’re so many miles apart,
I think of you, every time I close my eyes,
And my tears are like rain from the skies.
I listen to your voice, it echoes in the wind,
As ballad and jazz songs, our love entwined
I think of you, every time I close my eyes
And my tears are like rain from the skies.
Deep in the night, the moonlight creeps,
And my tears are like rain from the skies.
©summer51, April 25, 2009
Author notes
it's okay... just say it. 
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me poem for critiquing - I'm judging on potential by bridgetjanejone.
700 points, ended May 7, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The rain is gods tears for us. by blood.stained.tears.
400 points, ended May 11, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hi Ma'am bridgejanejone
Thank you very much for your good feedback. I do appreciate your comment (good or bad) cuz I learn a lot from that and try my best to improve if not to surpass what good writers do. Hope to join in to more of your contests to come and give me some considerable opinions for my own good.
More power to you!
summer51 -
i liked it alot, thanks for entering
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Thank you, u luv me...
and for your nice comment.
summer51
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There is too much repetition, cliches and forced rhymes. Try for some interesting imagery and something orignial. "Twilight peeps" is just not good. The "ballad and jazz song" is a great idea but you need to run with that. Unfortunately everything else has been said before.
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this is so lovely, gentle and heartfelt! The repeatative rhyme gave the poems the emotion it needed and the ending was perfect.
Great job
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Thank you, Mantha
my friend.
God Bless.
summer51
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