A handshake firm, a wave, a bow, in society a must.
Sullied time and innocence, now paint upon the rust.
Sticks which often cross the path to tease the promenade
will stagger e’en the sure of foot, the treason of facade.
Mother earth can feel the void for every careless act-
the gift of sight beyond this time can lessen the impact.
What is the fate of revelation in the hands of naivete-
hear the voice of inspiration, but challenge just the games they play
Divine and plain, the call of teachers direct the hearts above
as the self aware, embarrassed, forsake the songs of love.
Insights of chance, enigmatic sands that often fall to fade,
coalescing with the lessons from which idiots have made.
The harness of a child’s smile is of nothing bound to nil-
the guise of elders captivate, behind masks their essence spill.
Tortuous miles from birth to death cause many souls to hide-
the cost is condemnation of the light we share inside.
Seldom seen of pleasure minds to embrace the wisdom cast
through the rarest doors from blessed few who have learned at last
that by no decrypted ancient scroll and by no white crystal ball
the expectant thirst for truth and light shone bright enough to blind
will wrap the soul whence here is fled where faces shield the mind.
Author notes
First poem on AP
A contest entry
- Prewrites!!!!! With a twist by darkscorpia.
400 points, ends December 8, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Wow. You sure do know how to write. It's so good! I love your rhyming, and the flow is so natural. It's not like you're trying to force the poem, but that you are just letting yourself go. Very good job.
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Very good; esp. with the rhyme. I like how although it was a rather standard rhyme scheme you used original rhymes.
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Some beautiful expression in this poem I shall read more!
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First poem is a revelation
It's always a revelation to read the first poem that one writes on AP. It gives an indication of what motivated you to come here, and if you've written much after, how you have grown in your time here. I think what I see in your first entry is cynicism. I could be wrong, and it wouldn't be unusual, but it is my overall impression. It leads me to wonder if you came to AP hoping to find something deeper than a "facade". Since I have read many of your more recent poems, I think that you have. Also, your lines are a lot longer here than in your future writes. It seems you had an awful lot to say. It's wonderful to know that you have grown here, that the cynic has softened a bit, and that you can now say twice as much as this poem with one tenth as many words. Wow, you certainly were a firebrand when you first appeared here....
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This is really great. I really enjoy your style of writing. The imagery is great and the word choice is brilliant. Well done.
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I absolutely love your word choices.
This is definitely an insightful piece, not to mention very perceptive about life and society in general. The rhyme in this is spot-on. I've always felt that poetry comes from deep within a person, and it's up to that person to keep it lit. Your poetry will continue to endure, because it comes from within. Amazing write!
Don
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wow i like this alot. i liked the words you used and i liked the description. im also a big fan of the rhyming. thats awsome and i love the pic that goes with them. you didnt sacrafice the meaning for the rhyme and i love that about it. everything was just so in this write and it wasnt choppy it was full. i loved it.
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Rhymes and rythms added to a deep reflection on life and nature give this write an unique and amazing beauty. You have a gift for detailed descriptions smooth flow and expressions of wisdom.
A real plesure to read.
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yes
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Preconceptions are hard to overcome
Your light is on the inside, few share the same light now, but some do; I do. Peaceful relations with other people must be developed by the sharing of that light (as here) for the sake of future generations. (See my poem HOW TO PREVENT WAR.)
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Poet
Nature and it's beauty so heavenly portrayed with your words. And the reader shys away from the rest of our tragic world to find a little peace just now. Thank you.
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WONDERFULY DEEP
A lot of wisdom displayed here, A beautiful mind with talent is displayed in this piece it was enjoyable to read. peace be with you.
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Wow
Im amazed at how in detail you go with all your poems, the imagery that you create of nature is superb
love these lines "Sticks which often cross the path to tease the promenade
Will stagger e’en the sure of foot, the treason of facade
Mother earth can feel the void for every careless act"
great
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Bravo!
This is excellent! Keep at it! I enjoyed reading it a lot!
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Well done.A different and interesting read, Ros
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Incredibly written. I am so jealous that I can't write like this. The rhyming was effortless and this whole thing is just brilliant. AWESOME job.
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wow
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Exceptional
When I read your poems I see a modern hint of Sir Walter Scott speaking through. You have the same ability to visually twist and turn the English language into something very pleasant for the mind to ponder. You will definately be included on my future reading list. Your poetry is a pleasure to read. I've added you to my favorites list.
Chic
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This I feel is wicked powerful. The whole thing is brilliant, especially the last line, I love it.
My favourite line within is "The guise of elders captivate, behind masks their essence spill"
its true.
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I quite enjoyed the reading of this, although I'd feel it would be better structured if you maintained a consistent syllable count throughout.
Thanks for sharing.
Laura
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You know? I think you are right about that syllable count. I sometimes make a concerted effort to exact my rhythm. I let it slide a bit on this one.
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the rhythm takes nothing away from the message within...i just feel it would enrich it somewhat do you ever write form poetry?
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tHIS IS EXEPTIONALLY GOOD, THE FLOW IS JUST EFFORTLESS, IMAGRY SUPREME, YOU HAVE REAL TALENT
THANKS FOR SHARING
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a good poem, aye mother nature feels the sighs, lots of dark to light to dark imagery here with a clear message.
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Exceptionally well put together with a fine sense of rhythm. I look forward to more.
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thanks
I appreciate the feedback. I am in the process of looking through yours. One, I already commented on.
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