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Humanity

My breaths leave
              Vapour trails
Dancing across the sky
Formulating brickery
                    steel rails,
Creating a bridge between
The Mother and I...

Author notes

A little something I penned a few weeks ago. Just recently had the time to post this-let me know what you think.

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • CrystalLizard
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautifully abstract, yet with concrete images. I love the look of it and the rhyme, and the length is perfect. Absolutely lovely. I love how the gossamer vapor trails in the air lead to a sturdy bridge of brick and steel.


  • gothchyld
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for your flattering comments, I am so sorry for my late reply! Your piece is such an amazing and refreshing read as well, the idea of humanity is beautifully expressed in the imagery of breathes, and in so few lines! Best of luck with your contest!

    I am taking a poetry break for a while as I am focusing on my stories right now, it would be great if you can take a look: http://www.storywrite.com/gothchyld

    Keep in touch!


  • Eightball
    April 28
    Edit | Reply
    Let them...You are good...