i.
he arrived late as usual to
the terminal; setting the case against
the counter, he glumly asked for a
ticket, knowing he would be
punished for his tardiness
heading toward the platform
the morning voices swelled and
vibrated in the air; he sucked them
down, choked on their volume and
shrank back from the shadowfaces
that grunted in his direction
the train approached and grinned
a full set of teeth for him, just for him
everything would be alright
standing in the middle of the
car, he braced for its lurch forward
watching the colors in everyone’s eyes
as they swirled around him and
spoke in dissonant tones
he calmly opened the case and
held it in his arms, gagging on the
shrieks emitted by those who saw the clock
they had nothing to fear, of course
they were all headed to paradise
he was merely their guide
and peering through the mist
he saw their twisted remains
clearly, teeth glistening in the
sunlight that poured through
the windows, and he understood at last
as he faded into the smoke
ii.
he arrived late as usual to
the terminal; setting the case against
the counter, he glumly asked for a
ticket, knowing he would be
punished for his tardiness…
Author notes
Took me a while to come up with something. My head is swimming with lots of ideas, but no words with which to describe them. It's all very frustrating.
Anyway, this is what I came up with. Had to make some major changes before I could post it here.
Won bronze in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2443835
In a list
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very well written, great use of diction, and great use of imagery. An interesting read over all
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I love the story you've told, woven through this, with all the crisp imagery tucked in between. it was very enjoyable and interesting to read. no wonder it won bronze.
nice job. -
very nice piece keep the coming. it is nice to read you.
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WOW DEEP
I think I his rush to the terminal,he was thinking if he had a bomb in his brief case,he could go and everyone else into paradise,just my interpretation.But deep, your a thinker !!
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this is really good.... kind of shocking, you think he is late for work... well okay I guess he is technically! Ummm yeah! I really enjoyed this! Something I have never read before which makes it even better! Thanks so much for sharing!!
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W O W!!!
i loved it, that's all i can say...it is exactly the type of dark and mind-fuck writing i love.....you have true talent and i hope you continue putting out works like this
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This poem makes me think of a "death ride" the "clock" and "twisted remains" but yes a good poem after all-you do tell a story to engage the reader.
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wow this is amazing its the first i have read by you but i do plan on reading more
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Good, bad, i don't know
hmm it's very different from anything i ever read. sorry that's all i can say. i'm shooked
Ali -
Hmmm this is very different. I loved the way you ended it the same as the beginnning. Different and cool.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe**
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