First
I have to talk to you
and
you have to talk with me
and
then we have to talk to each other.
Then there is the obsession-
Ice cream and the thought of you.
Then there is working
through of the sex
from the passion to the ennui
then,
we have to relate to each other
emotionally
so we'll stop fighting,
and later on,
sitting in the parlour
together but apart
I, with the blanket over my knees
by the fire
lost in the Dark,
and you reading the society page
wishing it had turned out some other way.
Author notes
Written March 8th, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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I get what you're saying in the poem, the idea of a pattern or drill to a relationship, the droll system that we've heard so much of that we follow to save ourselves though we don't really care.
It's hard to follow your train of thoughts here though, consider extending the poem, and picking a rhythm that matches the brainwaves of someone going through this situation. -
hey
hey my best friends name is lisa -
hey
cool -
hey cool... am liking i
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Beautifully done!! and makes it even better that my name is Lisa too! lol!!!
sometimes we hold in how we really feel so we don't end up hurting anyone that is in our lives... but in the long run it hurts all the same....
wonderfully written and with a intense truth throughout each line to the next........
great job with penning this fantastic piece!!!
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Some just never do communicate, and spend their lives waiting for someone else to say what they want them to. One can't be afraid of feelings, have to let them loose and be honest about it all. Liked the message you share in these lines. Easy to read and understand.
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sometimes it isn't easy to fight through the difficult times and lay claim to the good ones... Relationships are definately the hardest jobs we will ever have.
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You talking to this Lisa yet?
Oh the suggestion down below says point out your favorite or least favorite parts: I point out my favorite part:
First
I have to talk to you
and
you have to talk with me
and
then we have to talk to each other.
Then there is the obsession-
Ice cream and the thought of you.
Then there is working
through of the sex
from the passion to the ennui
then,
we have to relate to each other
emotionally
so we'll stop fighting,
and later on,
sitting in the parlour
together but apart
I, with the blanket over my knees
by the fire
lost in the Dark,
and you reading the society page
wishing it had turned out some other way.
we?
but what happened to me?
who am I, now?
Selfish. Maybe I'm insecure. Or proud.
okies. still looking around. -
No I take that back, you probably don't remember at all. Forgetter.
-
Return the favor on your second comment brought me here. I remember when I discovered your Lisa poems. Sigh, I'm sure you remember that burden as well. I remember I wanted this to be for me.
Damn no points this time.
Lisa
Anyone ever write an Ode for a Lute? -
awwwwwwwwwww i know the felling man but hey i raly like the pice and i hope you make one like it but loanger . keep up the good wark sam out
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I know all about being together but apart. I hate it. Mostly the apart part.
I remember this one. Shoot I missed it in the feature box (got booted
)shame I missed the extra points maybe you can send them to me.
Desiree
Edited on May 20, 4:24 p.m. because 'nunya'. -
A solidly written piece with a large amount o
Very insiteful, one of my daughters and her husband split over lack of communication so this struck accord with my thinking. Thank you for putting it out there. -
You are right
I always find poems about a girl named Lisa interesting because my daughter is named Lisa. This does say it best because of comminication. -
Hi there, the most important thing in a relationshipis communication,and your poem says it all, well done.
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nice
king -
Hmmmm, this is an enteresting piece, its well written, and reminds me of some of the relationships my close female friends sometimes find themselves in, I like it. You did a good job.
Merry Christmas -
OK
...... yea it kinda comes across as a blank. It feels empty, like it needs more. This poem is mediokre to me it has to pow! to it or bang! make it full of detail not empty detail is good because detail gives emphasis and meaning. If it is about love which you put it in that category make it full of love don't make it bland and docile. Not good but not bad. -
very interesting. cool style. different. i like.
i'd read the damn paper too!
merry christmas. -
Hi Lute,
Yes, yes, still meandering through and back ant through again .. sigh (not theatrical but sincere, still) so, this was a lovely one as well. My favorite ice-cream shop opens next weekend .. very old fashioned place Four Seas still serve in those little silver cups with the paper liners .. their fresh peach, strawberry and cantelope are deelish, also coconut .. anyway... yeah, anyway .. I'll still wander .. cause that's what i do .. lisa -
Yes, more than a faint buzz of truth coming off this one: relationship breakdown, losing one's self, communication blockages. Ice cream and the thought of you is a fantastic line: expect someone like Alanis Morissette to take it as an album title. This Lisa seems more real than the Alice-in-Wonderland Lisas of late. I like this one.
-
Seems like I'm going through this now with the good ol' boyfriend... It's aggravating as hell... Er, anyways lute, I adore your lisa poems. I'm never let down with your poetry, each is like a treasure waiting to be opened.
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yeah. a lot of lisa poems, huh? it just reminds me of unresolved issues. but then, i could be projecting. dang if i don't really know! people can be so indifferent toward each other and still so reliant on each other. it's hard to strike the right balance without feeling lost to someone else. it's one thing to be lost IN someone and another to be lost TO them. in MY mind, anyway.
again, i think this was kind of comma heavy. i've always taken the beat that a line break in and of itself necessitates something of a natural pause. so... a comma just isn't always warranted unless gramatically (sp?) called for.
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Nice Poem
hmmm... This piece made me wonder what this poem is about. I didn't quite get it. The words were very beautiful and well-written, but I'm still not quite sure if I can put a finger on what this poem is trying to say... -
excellent
Sitting together yet apart, trying to relate, the fighting, passion to the ennui, reading the society page (nice touch there) sometimes happens when the death of love finds you, or something like that. Anyways Desi knows all about that stuff.
Yes Lisa should go sit by the fire but she sits and reads the society page, who's doing who at the ball and all those happy newly weds and engaged couples while her own life goes down the shitter. 'Tis sad.
Desiree
Edited on Mar 09, 1:27 p.m. because 'forgot sometin'. -
I like this L-Man. All the right ingredients...but still lost in the dark. Feels like stagnancy in the "used to be's" and then suddenly recalling that there should be something more. Or maybe i am misinterpreting the whole darn thing (been known to happen!lol) I think that sometimes if we stare long enough into the darkness, we can see the light shining through the other side. Besides, can be no dark without the light.
Anyway, enjoyed this one a lot! Your writing has had such a unique flavor lately.
UB
Edited on May 22, 9:34 because ''. -
Sigh (not theatrical in any way shape or form, sincere) There are at least 100 -200 words beautiful words and scenes you've left out..i'm quite certain. This is rushed yes. there must have been some lovely talking, let's hear about the passion. they could feed each other dripping melting ice cream in front of the fire. are you sure you didn't mean she was reading the book and music reviews..i'd hate to think your Lisa was interested in the society page really. i dunno. We is really just two I's that work well together.. And sometimes it's okay to be an I within a We necessary even..well that is just me twitchy cville rattling, my opinion obviously. Shit. Lisa Poems....
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lisa, lisa, lisa
get your nose out of the paper
and go sit by the fire!
~liz -
Interesting..
some indifference in love? And the thought of losing oneself to a duo - frightening to me. And so you become we, but we sit separately and silently.
I say selfishness is under rated
~Scarlet -
I feel like I was just running really incredibly fast, and then stopped short and spun a few times.Wow. Tastes like suffocation in desperate love, deliciously written.
Edited on Mar 08, 9:05 p.m. because ''.
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