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Fatal Attraction

You use the fact that it was me who left you
against the fact that you nearly destroyed me.
Looking back, I should really have listened to
those who told me I could do so much better.

I was sucked in by your charisma and charm,
and failed to see your rage and confusion.
Others noticed the bruises on my face and arms
long before I realised what you did was abuse.

You and I were just a fatal attraction,
doomed to combust rather than grow apart;
but there's a vague sense of satisfaction
when you carve her name into your skin.

Do you resent the fact that I'm happy now,
while you make the same mistakes over again?
You hurt me over and over, yet somehow
I came out smiling; you're still so messed up...

Author notes

Username: D r a m a Q u e e n 4 6 9

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Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your Entry

    This is very well done. I love the way that you compare past and present and show how it is possible to learn from mistakes. Your words are effective and show how easy it is not to realise what is being done to us til it is too late.

    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
    Shari


  • Fox.
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    nice.


  • Daniela Violin silver member
    June 23
    Edit | Reply

    JUDGED!

    Very nice poem, Maria
    Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!


  • EbonyQueen48
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great poem, I truly enjoyed it because it speaks to me of how I was hurt by a man I loved, he betrayed me, ran to the arms of another. yet he still speaks my name and asks how i am even though i am married and happy, he will never be happy. thanks for sharing this intimate poem, it really describes my old relationship and some of what I went through. this poem speaks volumes to me, thanks so much for sharing this


  • individuality gold member
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    ah some people are destined to make the same mistakes all through life, the record's stuck and no matter what it just keeps jumping. a good poem.


  • skullz heart
    May 25

    Edit | Reply

    dude....

    If I would do that for this one guy if he told me too but other then that I won't....life is hard enough without his name in my arm.


  • AllThatRemains
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    there's a vague sense of satisfaction
    when you carve her name into your skin.

    ^Favourite part. I can relate to this one quite well... Thank you.

  • deboree
    May 20

    Edit | Reply

    powerful writing

    I noticed a typo -- atrraction,

    I loved the emotional honesty of this and the self-awareness.

    the first two lines had a great cyclic power to them.


  • xochocoholicxo
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    this was extremely awesome good luck

  • shariteschl
    May 17
    Edit | Reply
    Really amazing! You have a huge talent


  • Heroesrox
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome. Good luck.


  • Night Terrors
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    that is an interesting poem I think it really has a lot of hurt in it.



    The Positives:
    Very powerful and made a big impact on me. I have gone through something like this it really hurts huh.


    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    I was sucked in by your charisma and charm,
    and failed to see your rage and confusion.
    Others noticed the bruises on my face and arms
    long before I realised what you did was abuse.

    You and I were just a fatal atrraction,
    doomed to combust rather than grow apart;
    but there's a vague sense of satisfaction
    when you carve her name into your skin.


    I really related to this
    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~

  • abu nuwas
    May 9
    Edit | Reply

    Happy-ish ending

    I do not know whether this comes from personal experience. I read it that way, and was quite shocked. I find it difficult to critique the technique and so on, though I did think that 'again' in the penultimate and anti-penultimate lines, did not improve it. Mainly I was taken by the feeling.


  • Andi.
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    holy moly.
    i am ever so glad you were able to come out the other side smiling, while hes still being a dick and hurting women. the moron
    very well done on an extremely honest piece.
    dont think i have much more than that to say.
    well done
    ♥ Uni

  • Eusebius
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    A chilling poem, but still very hopeful and positive, told in a very matter of fact manner which is always best (or so it seems to me) when writing on these topics... deftly done piece!


  • Lime Ocarina
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    Right, first off, I liked what this was saying. The message was clear and sharp. Very powerful.
    However I felt jolted in and out of the poem by the flow and some words.
    May have just been me after a long sort of day, but I know you're capable of so much better, even with experimenting.

    Even so, I love the way your mind works and the devious wee dark thoughts that pop up in there.
    All in all, well done.


  • Girl Mad As Birds
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wicked write, dude! Good job with the abac rhyme scheme. Especially loving the second last stanza.




  • morgana raven Greeters member
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    I like the experimenting with rhyme. Especially liked how you ended this piece.

    Great write.
    Laura.


  • awannabepoet
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent read and great rhyming too, I enjoyed this poem and thanks for sharing.

    I like it, I like it so!


  • Ami
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    Great write sis!

    I liked the last 2 stanzas the best
    And the title was Awesome
    I can relate to this write as most of yours
    Loved it! -♥Amanda♥

  • Mercury Rising
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    I really like your experimentation with a fresh rhyme scheme, and your use of occasional slant rhymes and internal assonance; for example, confusion, bruises, abuse, in the second stanza. This poem, though somewhat disturbing, is a terrific read, and was very well written.


    • DramaQueen469 gold member
      April 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thankyou so much for yout lovely comment David! I find that I can only do internal rhyme and assonance well when I don't try lol

      Maria

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