My Dad was an orphan who didn’t show much
We weren’t a family for displays of affection
I can’t remember kisses but I can a gentle touch
An arm placed around me for protection
There was so little time I had with my Dad
He seemed to always be far away at sea
All his love was written in the letters I had
I was secure in the love he had for me
He would always call me by a special name
I was his Shazer, his Babe or just Little One
If he called me Sheila, things weren’t the same
I’d been caught out in some wrong I had done
I never said those three vital words to my Dad
I find them impossible to speak out loud
Now it’s too late, it makes me unbearably sad
I broke his heart and never made him proud
He has been gone now for so many long years
My conscience still troubles and taunts me
I know I hurt my Dad and I’ve cried many tears
And this dreadful guilt just won’t let me be
Maybe I’ll have a chance on the other side
For all my thoughtlessness I could atone
Say I am so sorry about my pigheaded pride
That I love him and wish we could go home
Author notes
So little time together, things I never said and a life time to regret it.
A contest entry
- What We Don't Say by charmander13.
700 points, ended May 7, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
Nice Poem
Sheila I can't believe that you can possibly have any need to feel guilty.
Your father is fully aware that you love him ,even though you are not aware of his presence he is aware of yours and knows how you feel.It goes without saying that this is a lovely well written poem though sad and is a pleasure to read....
........Best Wishes....George.....
-
-
Thank you for this lovely comment George. Sorry about the delay but I have been back to my home town for the first time in over 40 years. Saw my Dad's initials carved in the house brick beside the front door in the house where he spent his holidays from school and then I was born there and my kids too. It was so bitter/sweet to go back but I had a wonderful time. Hope all is well with you.
Sheila
-
-
Incredible...
A heartfelt, honest narrative expressing a heart wrenching emotional depth that draws the reader into your world & indeed your heart, making us feel the guilt you carry for your dad... I'm sure he knows you love him & wouldn't wish for you to carry this for him... I found myself very moved by the rawness & profound truth of your words & hope one day you do indeed find the peace you seek...
Love as always Mumsie...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
-
-
Thank you Fritz
-
-
This piece is so heartbreaking because it speaks of a truth that i think many will know. We never know when the time is coming and that is what we all regret, that we never took the moment to say...I love you. I grew up in a home and i think i can see where your dad was coming from. those places tear the heart out of you. But ypour dad loved you in his own special way and i don't think he would want you to be feeling guilt for this. There is an after life and there, he can see your love for him. Thanks so much for sharing and this is bookmarked.
-
-
Thanks for your sweet comment condor. I know my Dad loved me very much and I hope he knows I returned that love but I just wish I had put it into words. Even now I can't say them out loud, I find it impossible and embarrassing and can't cope at all with the modern trend of saying it to all the folk you know. It devalues it but then that is just me, thousands feel differently. Sheila
-
-
Yes, I agree. Too much can be too much. I guess it's like they fevalued the word 'Hero' by using it for everything and everyone like sports stars. They are not heroes...they are playing sport. I know where you are coming from.
-
-
-
I feel for you here, there is never enough time and we are always being caught out. I can relate to this poem and it's ever so sad. Bury the guilt feelings, you Dad understands.
-
-
Thank you Rbruce (what is the R for?) It is a shame that we all think there is all the time in the world but death sneaks in when it is not expected and time has suddenly gone. An only child and a Daddy's Girl and I know he would of forgiven me anything but I can't forgive myself. I hurt the only man who never hurt me but at least he lived long enough to see both of my children and spend a few hours with them before he collapsed and died.
-
-
The 'R' is for Robert but no one calls me that name, Bob has been my handle all my life. Forgive yourself, Sheila, your dad has. Make your own life less stressful, and let your Dad rest in peace.
-
-
-
If only for hindsight, and another chance, eh? Lovely expression, and flow.
-
-
Thank you Ms-Mouse for taking the time to stop and comment. Sheila
-
-
Hi Sheila !!
This is a very loving and tender poem
written from the heart and very touching ..
My father was from the old school , where
they were taught men don't cry or show
affection god forbid if you got a hug .
Though I was raised that way ; I knew i'd
never raise my kids that way , I broke the
the chain ...
A pleasure to read thank you ..
Best wishes & hugs , Friend Easy
-
-
Hello there Easy, thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Yes you are right, boys were brought up that way and it is still like that in some places around here. Children are very much the concern of the mothers but I am out in the country in the farming community and it is like stepping back a couple of hundred years here. Sheila
-
-
I feel your pain at not being able to say things to your dad. Talk to him in your head and in your writing, he'll here you. I've been holding running conversations with my daddy for 48 years. I have no memories of my daddy at all. All iI have are stories told to me by older siblings, a few flashes that I'm not even sure if they are memories. I can assure you though none are pleasant. So not to sound mean for lack of a better word, consider yourself blessed. I've always envied father daughter relationships. From the love I read in your poem, your daddy may not have show it but, you were loved. Life is too short for regrets. Close your eyes and tell him you love him. HE HEARS YOU.
(Please pardon my rant, I sometimes don't know when to shut up.) -
-
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment as well. Believe me I am forever confident in that fact that I had my Dad's love it is just that neither of us could say those three words aloud. I still can't, other than all the time in my head and in my heart. I know how lucky I was to have him too. He was hardly ever around but he was a better father than any of my friends had, who would talk gently and listen to me. It is my own guilt I find hard to live with as I know I broke his heart with my bad decisions and he died so young that he never knew that I found he was right in all he tried to teach me. Or maybe he does know and forgives me everything but I can't forgive myself. You rant all you like, I waffle as you can see. Sheila
-
-
Very Touching!
I can identify... must be something about English parents. Both sides of my family. Howard
-
-
Thank you Howard. I don't know, perhaps you may be right about that. Men of those hard times back then were brought up to not show much, it wasn't "manly". But my Dad never knew his mother as she died when he was a baby and his dad died when he was 6 and he went to a naval orphanage and then on to the navy when he was old enough and that was his life and his "family". I wasn't as close to my Mum. Sheila
-
-
Hi... this is such a strong, honest write. I admire you for saying all that you could never say, and the relationship with your dad must have been an amazing one-
" can’t remember kisses but I can a gentle touch
An arm placed around me for protection"
this line tells me just how much he'd cared for you... and you too, for him.
Thank you for your heartfelt entry and all the best to you.
Take care always.
P.S. I'm placing you in the finalists' list.
♥ Char
-
-
Thank you Char for your beautiful comment. As an only child and a Daddy's Girl, I adored my him but the navy was his life and his family, from being in naval orphanage at age 7 on wards. So little time together but every day was precious. Sheila
-
-
Sad but a beautiful piece, we all make mistakes in our lives. Unfortunately you never had the sad to make this up to you dad... Heartfelt piece.. Best of Luck
-
-
Thank you for your kind comment geckogirl. When you are young you think there is all the time in the world but my Dad died suddenly at home on leave. He had only been back in the UK for two days. It was such a shock and I still can't really remember much of that time, it is like all in fog even now, over 40 years on. Sheila
-
-
wow
-
-
Hey there historygeek, is that "Wow" good or bad? Thank you for reading. Sheila
-
-
Beautiful write with much emotion felt inside as well as out. So many of us have been there yet we must never lose hope that a day will come when we will all meet again. Great detail as well.
-
-
Thank you for your lovely comment Helen and yes, I am still awake but I had better get myself to bed. You take care. Sheila
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
