"Shut up Zane."
He laughs quietly.
"Shut up Milly."
I smile slightly.
"Wanna go?"
"Out?"
"Back tonight?"
We both laugh than look
around.
Everyone is staring.
The silence suddenly speaks.
We still smile at each other,
yet it is an awkward silence.
"What color is my hair Zane?"
He smiles, he knows the question.
"Magic?"
"Indeed."
"What color is my bracelet Zane?"
He smiles again, smugly this time,
and dimples appear on his cheeks.
"Magic."
I slide the beads off my bony wrist,
and slide it onto his.
"What color is the bracelet Zane?"
"Red."
He smiles, I smile.
A smile that we share.
We both stand up,
I tap his cheek,
I grab his smile,
and put it in my pocket
to save for another day.
We walk to math class together,
in silence.
We both sit down at the same time.
"Magic..." I murmur.
Author notes
By Amelia S.
A contest entry
- Give me poem for critiquing - I'm judging on potential by bridgetjanejone.
700 points, ended May 7, 49 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your best napomo poem and the winner gets one month gold membership! by Kari.
1200 points, ended June 5, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win My Heart by tears.of.silence.
400 points, ended June 1, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is, frankly, a brilliant piece and seems scarcely possibly that someone of your age could have penned it.... excellent, Indeed!!
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Magic....
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The only thing I see that needs working on is the part about the smile and putting it in your pocket.
Reminds me of the song "catch a falling star and put it in your pocket" not sure of the lyrics...or nothing but Candy in your pocket.
You should think of a very unique term.
I do see the point you're making with this and I think it's cute.
Thanks for your entry.
Kari -
Very interesting. I find this poem to be quite cute. Thank you for sharing and entering. Best of luck to you. Kahy
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The imagery is beautiful, lovely! It's like watching 2 star crossed lovers who can communicate without words. Brilliant. Thank you for a wonderful entry!
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Aren't we all suckers for boys with dimples and great smiles??? This was delightful to read and thank you for entering...
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by Amelia Stagg.
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This is a whole scene played out for the reader and you have written this in such a personal way. I like it very much. Great imagery!
Thank you for your entry
Gaylene
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High drama in mundane places. Well done.
Congats for your gold!
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Yes. I like this it's simple, yet complicated. If that makes any sense.
I particularly like:
I tap his cheek,
I grab his smile,
and put it in my pocket
to save for another day.
I think you could ditch some of the punctuation. The commas and fullstops - you don't need them.
The contest anonymous, but I see you are 13? Good potential here.
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Hmm.. I honestly don't know about this one.
Then again I haven't been commenting long. XDD But hey! I am learning. 
Which is all that counts, haha.
Anyways, I liked the way they seemed to communicate, flawlessly. @_@ Strangely enough. Made me visualize it, like a story, except. It doesn't reveal it's Highschool Sweetheart setting until the end, which is totally worth the wait.
Great job! And I hope all goes well. ^__^
-Cyril Huntinghawk -
I like it.
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