There's a face in that window
It's always been there
Piercing the night
With its luminous stare -
And it pierces my heart
With its terrible stare -
Its eyes kindle brightly
With color like Death
And the full moon shines whitely
In the smoke of its breath
And my dreams - they are haunted
By the drift of its breath -
It lingers unmoving
Unblinking in rest
In that hideous window
But still in my breast -
It waits there in silence
Forever impressed
In the unrealized caverns
Of this tormented breast -
For I never will know
Why that terrible face
Looks down in its haunting
Of this shadowy place -
Why its eyes flash so brightly
Upon this dark place
And its breath seems to poison
The air of this place -
Still my heart is possessed
By that luminous face -
And my spirit is bound
By the guise of that face...
Author notes
No need to tell you who this is meant to sound like, I think. . . 
It's not final yet, I'm open for any suggestions. . .and yes, the lines are supposed to be different lengths. . . 
Oh, and L8 is sort of a nod to Elinor Wylie's poem "Sea Lullaby," which can be found here - http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/elinor_wylie/poems/22354 - if you read it I think you'll find some similarity in the rhythm. . .
A contest entry
- Hit me with you best shot fire away...... by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended June 25, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 10 Options {Pre-writes aloud} by Little Lesley.
700 points, ended August 28, 109 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me honestly what you think. . .
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Great. I loved your rhyme. It was very haunting. I love the desciption. It's brilliant.
Good Luck!
♥~Little Lesley~♥ -
great rhyme noticed that right away. I really liked this it was a great style. This is really neat. I am glad you entered this I am going to add this to the finalist list thanks for entering I would give this a 7/10
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Yummmm!
I like the dark and the things that go bump in the night. What you have done with this is create an emotional tonality that sets off goosebumps. This is a complicated use of form that intrigues and satisfies.
Well done!
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Enjoyable
Very nice work! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. The style is good, the diction nice, and the mood draws the attention. Good progression of narration too., Dannie
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thank you
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Awesome, my Lady...
Thy words ring as a veritable treat to mine eyes, essence of Poe in spirit & sentiment with a delightfully dark undercurrent that doth verily appeal to mine own...
Impressive work as always...
Well penned, well versed, well done!!!
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I thank thee, sir. . . I am blessed by thy wonderful comment. . .
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very nice. I liked the different line lengths. made the piece flow well. I hope you don't take that out in your revisions. Anyway, nice job on this
-Steve-
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I won't, it would totally ruin it. . .and we don't want that
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Ah, E.A. Poe himself back from his tomb in Baltimore!!! This is a MOST excellent and superb poem! I absolutely loved it!!
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thank you thank you thank you, Mike!
Elinor
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