bitter bite of wind
drifts snow
against opaque window
of Bristol blue glass
reaches gentians
in serried seclusion
waving their brilliance
of deep blue corollas
beyond, an albescent sky
drops down
decaying
to blind white ...
fingers numbed
I wander inside
order hot soup
countervailing
three colours
of alpine kinship
reminding me it's
winter
Author notes
Write on the Prompt: 'three colours blue'.
something simple
and elegant
build around a central image
or metaphor
with a narrative
constructed by sparse,
well-chosen language
no images posted with poems
plain background
free verse only
[54 words; maximum is 66 words]
A contest entry
- three colours blue by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended May 16, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please critique.
Comments
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Thank you Ben.
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see, this is why i love winter...i love soup too, lol. I also like the way you use place and location in this poem, transporting the reader and placing him/her right there in Kosciusko. Lovely subtle and natural use of blue hues here, Ron. Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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I love the use of "alpine" as one rarely sees it in poetry these days.
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Yes. Very few in the Northern Hemisphere know of our Australian Alps just south of Canberra, our inland Australian Federal Capital. They stretch from S. NSW into Victoria. One can get a blizzard any time of year, any time of day.
Thank you.
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So many words I loved in this, divine alliterations and beautifully blue. Well done.
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And you read them so that, for me, is a double treat.
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Great Title. I was shoveling that "White Death" not many days ago here in Michigan. Thank God Spring arrived. They have a statue to that beloved general up in Detroit. Well done poem.
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Yy13
I do thank you. Winter is just coming on downunder.
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Simply wonderful. You speak from experience as do I having grown up in Alaska. I've had more than just "fingers numbed" lol
Thankfully your fingers were not blue also, or you'd be in trouble right?
Soft as snow here.
your friend,
Paul
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Paul
Thank you. Even though it is Australia, a blizzard can come down on the Kosciusko Massif at any time and it is quite a hike back to the village in the Alps.
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soft and beautifully done
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Thank you, Glenn.
You are kind. -
That is a gracious point to make.
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I think you did an excellent job here, the blues are almost transparent as the words flood the colour for them, sparse and well chosen words indeed
amidst so much white. the hot soup was a little bit of brill'
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Bea
Joy & I climbed this mountain twice. The first time we had pumpkin soup at Thredbo. We can still taste it.
Thank you. Ron
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sorry forgot to press the button.
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Hi, excellent poetry as usual from you, lovely write, Di
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Coming from a sonneteer,
I am much cheered, dear Di.
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Proof of effectiveness was the shiver of cold as this was read. Maybe because we have had a long and difficult winter, possibly because "blue" is considered a cold colour, certainly it was because if the series of cold images...
Of particular note was the part that surrenders to cold; "albescent" reminds of something growing paler (as in 'albino') and is a progressive state.
and beyond
an albescent sky
drops down
decaying to blind white ...
Alliteration was noted. That led to another depth of meaning that could be found by isolating "decaying".
"an albescent sky
drops down
decaying
to blind white ..."
Then the contrast with hot soup provides relief from the cold-- Effective it certainly was!
Thank you for this.
Terry
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Terry, you honor me.
I am humbled.
However, I see your point about that stanza but doggedly wish to keep it as it is this time. Thank you.
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so pretty and content to read, relaxing is hard to do, when one gets older, thank you for offering this as it did relax me, thank you, good luck
in the contest
m
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Dear poet
I am so happy for that. Ron.
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