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spirit of woman in blue






in the blue we cannot see

there are metaphors within our eyes
unknown to us,

though we peer outward, unable
to count the weave of three

neither sadness; authority
nor liberty
seem able to grant us a glance
beyond our sound

beyond the shallow colour
of a low cast tide

drowning in the deep, dark
water
far from shore

                    in silence








Author notes

Word Count: 61
Edits: 4 (with 1 Major rewrite)

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Nicolette gold member
    May 12

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    so many wonderful visuals and metaphors here that all come together in the soft, blue hue of melancholy and reflection. loved "colour of a low cast tide" and where it took my mind... This is gorgeous poetry, Kate - beautiful. thank you for this entry.

    ~ Nicolette


  • paulcreates silver member
    May 11

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    I was thinking, I bet this is in Nic's three blues contest.
    I like your work.

    Paul


  • Heart Sutra
    May 7
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    Yes. Drowning in the depth of our emotions and connections or absence of those things. Well done.


  • Night Hope gold member
    May 4

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    Ahhh, Scribe...I am always critically honest when I tell you how much I admire your work. Dammit. Gorgeous melancholy...how well you pen it, my Friend. Good luck in Nic's contest, Sweetie.




  • LettersFromtheSky
    April 29

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    My thoughts, I think the poem as it was (before the major rewrite) much more personal. It had a more intimate feel to it. The different view point of this current poem, changes the feeling for me. I like it still though "There are metaphors within our eyes" is my favorite line. Its weird how sometimes you can get a deeper connection or at least feel a deeper connection with eye contact. The title reminds me of some lyrics from a song: "The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun"


  • glenn shannon silver member
    April 28
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    beautiful work

  • paulcreates silver member
    April 27
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    The thickest part to me is the first two lines (or it could be my thick head lol) The rest flows along fairly well, divided at the right places, and is meaningful. If you could reveal a touch more at the beginning I think it would glow just a little brighter.

    Paul


    • EvilKate
      April 28
      Edit | Reply
      Good eye

      I noticed the same, when I came back after a day. A Major rewrite later and it feels closer to where I wanted it to be. Thanks for the honesty

1 - 8 of 8