I have been made complete
by the essence of your voice
and devoured totally by the
rich saturation of
your mouth
the flames of indigo days
against your earthen flesh is
pacified within the primeval
want that seems to justify
the pleasure of tomorrow
our souls be soothed inside
winds of angelic chords
and ripened in a ballet of
the fired passion of
our heat
@ @
Author notes
* thank you!
A contest entry
- you are my dark familiar clay by Nicolette.
6000 points, ended May 11, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Neruda’s poetry is romantic and soft, yet also passionate and sensual – and that is how I view your poetry too, Scott. Of course I’ve found Neruda’s voice and style in this poem because that is the way you write and why I love reading your poetry.
The opening and closing lines felt the most Neruda-like to me – that is how he too opened and ended most of his love poetry. You did well to capture that aspect and essence in this entry. Simply loved this line “and ripened in a ballet of the fired passion”...indeed poetry-in-motion that is!
If I were to be critical I would suggest a few slight changes here and there to give this poem an even more Neruda-like quality, e.g. “our souls are soothed..” instead of “be soothed” and
“I have been made complete
by the essence of your voice -
devoured in total
by the rich saturation
of your mouth.”
Just my humble opinion, lol. Other than those I really liked this poem – but then, I’ve always felt that you carry much of Neruda’s romantic voice within your own poetry too. Thank you for this lovely entry, Scott.
~ Nicolette
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i enjoy the sensuality of your work.
the second stanza is especially nice.
a pleasure. - Mary Jo
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The second stanza is marvelous, Scribe. The entirety is sublime, sensual & serene in tone. Good luck in Nic's contest, my Friend. 
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This is lovely...
Stacy
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your poetry is always always beautiful.
a pleasure....
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