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Void of Darkness, Flame of Light

Void of Darkness, Flame of light

Hate, sword of unknown thrash through my side
Anger diminish me, implode heart to nothingness; never confide
Avalanche of regret pour through ceaseless circle of self doubt;
Trapped, Lost, Forsaken, void of being; approach...
Cave of isolation; mirage of wholeness, siren sing an entrance to death

Run round, round, round again

Angels peer, demons ensnare
Foreboding staircase
Resume descent or ascent
Steps of untrod necessity
Flame of light; angels aware,
Renew vigor, swim, run, forward, higher I follow
Essence of self, truth of being
Self absorption, ensnarer of restraint
Flame of light break the darkness
Guide further,further, further to light
Angels turn, devils stare up from deep foundations of shadow
Breakers of death; smash to nothingness; dispersed water and void of unknown
Call out to self: Renew, forget, re trod, escape, feel, resume, become
Angels peer, devils hasten from light
Life in moonless, torch-filled night, dark, void-filled caves:
Joyful rapture; eternal sorrow: Perpetuate cycle of unknown
Pools of worlds,worlds of life; which are we to choose?
Oceans we inhabit, directionless we flow, do we win or are we destined to lose?
Rush against tide, current so strong; feelings I long do linger
Demons hurl me back to breakers; mighty waves in frothy force; Alas! I am asunder

Forward I push, forward  I push
Run round, round, round again
Forward I push, forward I push

Observe dearest I know; ocean of life ensue
Some smash to nothingness, relax realness, obliterate; defeat selves of vast potential; slaves of their own demise
Others pursue, flee doubt and renew; reach the distant horizon;
Light shimmers as tranquil seas reflect the inner person, soul and being
Each run on different currents, few, many, far and away
Some ahead, some behind, some lag dependent on day
Hourglass of time shift each; essence and spirit rush forward or back
Decades to come where is my place?
Angel's show beacon, demons ensnare darkness
Hope,love, truth, hate, anger, doubt collide

Amidst fumes; Where will I be? How will I know?

Sum up past, go forward, forward, to life of unknown void
Swim with me, forward I go, follow in wake, pass, come alongside

Journey of life; twisted pathways; desperate castaways clinging to self; we rely

Enigmatic flame, light push onward;
Void of unknown; light fade to darkness?
Secrets of vast planet filled space; prod me to light in the unknown
Star of horizon guide, draw, renew
Restless thoughts I do pursue

Where will I be, how will I know?

Author notes

T r a n q u i l l i s - P . T . R .

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Shantti silver member
    May 5

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    I like the way this poem flows freely. It flows well but has a chaotic sense to it too. Similar to life sometimes.
    It seems to keep coming back to ocean and tides ant the way they are with your references to breakers and oceans and so forth. Everything about this seems to resemble the ocean in some sence. The ocean resembles life alot in some sence too it seems.
    Interesting and deep perspectives here.
    Sweet! Best of luck in the contests


  • JessicaMarieLewis
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    This poem was good. I enjoyed reading it and it has a very good tone to it.


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    May 4

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for entering!

    I'm going to start from the top and work my way down...

    Line one: is it necessary to repeat the title? It didn't feel so to me.
    Lines two to six: you start to rhyme, but don't follow it through later in the piece. Why? You overuse your semicolon somewhat, yet there aren't full stops where there should be. Also, watch unnecessary capitalisation where there shouldn't be. Despite this, there is some rich imagery in this stanza
    Line seven: a common mistake; this should read "Run around, around, around again". A circle is "round"; you run "around" a table.
    Lines eight to twenty-seven: you have the same problem as earlier: too many semicolons, not enough full stops. Sometimes it helps to write it as if it were a story, not a poem; work out what punctuation should be where, then rewrite it into poem form.
    Your lines get longer and longer throughout this stanza, showing a lack of form that is so often seen in freeverse (it's why I don't like it as much! )
    However, once again there is stunning imagery.
    Lines twenty-eight to thirty: again with "Around". Apart from this, lovely
    Lines thirty-one to forty-one: I have nothing new to say here
    Line forty-two: Your semicolon should have been a colon. Apart from this, a very powerful line
    The rest of the poem is all the same stuff; the last line is a strong ending.

    Overall, you need to work on structure and punctuation. Your imagery is astounding. Also, this poem was slightly too long as per the contest rules, but I'll let it slide this time

    Thankyou for entering this piece, and I wish you the best of luck!

    Maria

  • guardian warrior
    May 4

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is good. But it feels like instead of the co-exsitence of light and dark that there is in its place a pitched battle never ending. I appreciate the entry. Good luck.


  • iamfromabove
    May 4

    Edit | Reply
    wow. a very emotional & descriptive ride through life & death. Even though it is long it does keep you reading until the end.
    Thank you fo your entry
    Mia

1 - 5 of 5